foreplay: 7 minutes. sex: 3 minutes. cuddling: 10 minutes. getting dressed: 5 minutes. commute: 5 minutes.
this kid at 40 friday greeted another kid by saying "heeey farmville neighbor"
dude.
yep. needless to say i didn't meet anyone and spent yet another friday night masturbating.
I had a drunk dream I lived on a puppy farm. I hope this dream repeats every night of my life.
i woke up naked with 27 half ripped $ bills in my bed from ripping them off the wall of the bar
I just hit a new low..poured my beer in an empty coke can so I could drink in walmart.
getting your period on valentines day is like an extra little fuck you, now you REALLY have no chance of sex tonight.
Please don't drown this weekend. It would be a shame to lose a dick like yours.
I wanted him to come me this time. So I told him last time I was in the city I hit a lady on the head with an inflatable Santa Claus and just found out that the restraining order she requested against me was granted. We never hung out.
Well his arms broken so they only cuffed his good wrist to his belt. That's how he cast smacked me in custody.
Just got offered a dog by two Meth head's one of which wasn't wearing shoes and continually saying "fuck"
Well he was saying something about being emotionally unavailable since his dad died, but then I blew him in a tree and he shut up
Did you just send me an ass picture with a quote from the lion king?
What are you gonna do about it?
Is it inappropriate to be Drs. Willy Fister and Jess Hewill as a couples costume for Halloween?
Oh we're gynecologists
It's the third day of class and I got told I smell like a distillery.
He was licking my ear while recommending that I shop at IKEA. I think he's my perfect guy.
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