i feel like the song jizz in my pants was made for him.
My professor just suggested making the state of the union more interesting by turning it into a drinking game. Brilliant!!
I brought up my Bobbly Flay drinking game in the interview. Of course I got the job.
I haven't seen any of my friends sober in months. We have classes together.
Found out why they call her Halfpipe Jenny-NOT the cool reason we thought
He just laughed at his drink laid on the floor and crawled to the bathroom
We eventually had to ration the melon vodka. 10 pushups per shot. THATS why my arms hurt
$100 bras are my way of telling my boobs that I love and appreciate them, and all the metaphorical doors they have opened for me.
Rule #127: If your going to try fuck a married guy, you gotta be hotter then his wife; diet starts today.
I hope you realize that its not me making that decision, but rather the combination of my genitals and sexual orientation
your fridge is broken, your sock drawer is full of snow, and you flipped off the whole stadium on the big screen. I'd say it went well.
Rum and your dick are involved. You're relying on the unreliable narrator.
I feel like people expect me to always be a sarcastic, shade throwing drunk. And you know me, I hate to disappoint.
You wouldn't eat with utensils. You insisted on making your own spoon out of a bendy straw and staples while singing "I'm a survivor" by Destiny's Child.
It wasn't my fault.
You let her suck your neck. Yes it was your fault.
Randomize
