For the whole 7 seconds I lasted, I was in heaven.
how do i word it so it doesnt sound like im asking him if he has ever been in jail.
Apparently senior citizens don't like that position
Just bought a disco ball for 5 dollars, of course we're drinking tonight.
I mean if she was naked in my room I would talk to her
Guys, right now i need a picture of a squirrel, preferably with one of you guys but not necessary.
The cops are here to take me to jail, so I guess I have to go with them. If I'm not out by 6 p.m., there is some left-over lasagna in the fridge for you.
It's isn't revenge sex until you've cum on her porcelain doll collection.
Can I steal her, take her home, and feed her only vodka?
I let him do a line off my nipple in exchange for his prescription pain pills. I feel like 3/4 Vegas stripper, 1/4 underbelly of society.
not now. havin a heart to heart with drunk fred flinstone
Some guy I've never met before just came outside and started rolling a blunt on our fence and passed it around to all six of us. At eight in the morning. Today's gonna be weird.
And by "I love him" I mean "I want his tongue down my throat.
Idk, but the girl in his story had really nice eyebrows and was singing The Climb. How about you CLIMB the fuck away from my man
FORGET THE EYEBROWS
I thought it was your cat but I was wrong your Roomba is possessed by a pissed-off evil spirit.
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