Note to self. Never fart in a tanning bed
He just asked me if his big had a curved penis. Awkward? I think so.
The football player sitting in front of me just googled himself. Only 4 articles came up. That's why he plays at Utah State.
I still can't believe I found a dildo in my ceiling today.
scratched cornea got me an eyepatch and a blowjob from a girl with a thing for pirates
Just walk straight and zig zag through cars tell you get to the road. That's where I am. Perpendicular to the doors do not make any turns
so the x-ray technician didnt buy my story of falling off a curb. she said a fall of that height couldnt snap the bone that way. bitch called me a drunken idiot too. if she wasnt so hot i'd be angry
I think that's the key to being an adult though... Get those rapid fire beer shits out I the way early, then you can go about your grown man business
The milf did the body paint, come to the bar
Ever walked into a basement full of 10 guys jerking it to a live stripper? Cause I have. Always confirm the address of a house party. Always.
like I licked Molly off a boys palm last night at a bar I think its ok to eat chicken once a week
i refuse to sex anyone who doesn't get my lord of the rings references. no exceptions.
did you just try to prove your straightness by quoting a lady gaga song?
My drunk ass is being chauffeured around like the damn queen of England
Stop saving videos when you’re using my pornhub account!!! My girlfriend just tried to finger my butt because she thinks I’m into that
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