What's the point of having 3 fuck buddies when their periods all seem to sync up
12 garbage cans filled with water, a beer can floating in every garbage can, 20 ft. apart and you shoot with dodge balls..and thats only how the night began
It finally happened. My conscience stopped working. I've never felt so free
You know what I'm hearing? Blah, blah, blah, I have pneumonia, blah, blah, blah, I'm a quitter. COME OVER AND PUT YOUR PENIS INSIDE ME.
I have a surprise for you
Is it drugs? I want drugs. Or a puppy!
Actually some of the best sex I've had involved a lot of laughing.
How small IS your cock?
I woke up in an apt hallway this morning and a nice lady brought me coffee cause she thought I was homeless
Oh we were great hosts that night. We made sure to leave all the beds open by passing out on the bathroom floors instead.
she walked through the crowd, completely naked, slapped a pool attendant in the face and stole the towel he was carrying. she used it to dry her hair.
He's good looking but he really sounds like kermit the frog, can you imagine how fucking him would sound like?
Sorry 4 always trying to rope you into my sexual exploits
annnnd thats why you don't tip your waiter by flashing them
It's been THREE DAYS. Why do I still have the munchies?!
how do you say “i know we haven’t hung out in a month, but i gave myself an amazing orgasm to your picture the other day” without coming on too strong
When have you ever know me to go too far?
Besides the alcoholism, the HR issues, and getting fired from Best Buy for tackling a display?
Yeah. Besides those.
Randomize
