We found him pissing on the sidewalk in his socks signing the national anthem. I love you summer.
I'm having post traumatic stress flashbacks of last night. That big. Don't know whether to call him again or change my name...
He looked me straight in the eye when he was fingering me last night...it was very serial killer.
nothing like a tattoo of a large eagle attacking a small eagle whos attacking a shark to bond to siblings together for life
gpnpr hd vmdd nm the ggrl whm was mn my lar
I need you to use more vowels.
I'm sorry I ignored your high cries for help while you were grating cheese on my dog.
I don't mean to complain but you could have done a better job of keeping me alive last night
While leaving the bar with another guy I told the bouncer I was sad his friend had a fiancee
You were drinking Everclear weren't you?
I was chasing disarono with Bacardi and watching ice cube movies. It would have been an epic birthday if I wasn't by myself and actually had some decent friends.. Hint. Asshole.
I need you to go into my room and get some pants then bring them and four band aids to Sam's apartment no questions
Why can't I come over and snuggle you and make you lick my boots
I was asked last night if Magnum makes a XXL..... I don't think I've ever broken this many condoms in my life
we watched a guy take a shot of tequila while riding a unicycle
Any idea why my ass cheeks are bruised again?
The fact that theyre bruised AGAIN means you're not adult enough to know why.
Um..... I have taste. The only thing I am going to bedazzle is my vagina.
Randomize
