I just walked through a room full of deaf people and farted i love deaf people
I can't breathe out the right side of my face
She wanted to watch a Baby Einstein DVD while we fucked. I'm pretty open minded but that felt a little creepy.
I just took boredom to a whole new level. I just auto-tuned and remixed today's western civ lecture
No no no no no. Not interrested. She looks just like Kim's fat booth picture. Only real.
making my second box of kraft dinner for the day. thinking about telling him how much you cheat on him so that you end up having to spend valentines day with me. i'm sorry its every man for himself.
She said, "I don't really go out much, but my husband recently cheated on me" and I don't remember anything after that.
Maybe I should forgo underwear.
This is a family BBQ no?
I swear if she asks me for a baby one more time I'm gonna sleep with one of her friends
You would be too ashamed to ever love me again if you saw the filth I just created. It brings unspeakable dishonor to the nacho dynasty. Like I raped the king's daughter, cut off her hands and made him eat them that's how hard I fucked up nachos.
Well it's been 24 hours and I still feel like a mammoth sat on my balls
You have set the bar insurmountably high with apple pie and buttsex.
She can be as judgemental as she wants. But she thinks the female orgasm is a myth so who is really winning here...
We were covered in sweat and glitter, making out onstage, in front of everyone. I think it was a good night.
Oh don't mind my cushion, I got plowed in the ass by a freight train last night
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