the vacuum is drunk
what?
i spilled my drink and tried to vacuum it and now the vacuum is drunk
Walk of shame was bad enough, but farting with each step as I walked past his roommates was just not cosmically fair.
She has her iPod in her ears slippers and sweats on and is walking around the house up and down the stairs getting "exercise" she just stopped for a water break
i just dedicated my kegstand to your breasts
ONE NIGHT STAND. You have 27 minutes before the offer expires, so I suggest you hurry.
I think I just accidentally agreed to become a surrogate for a gay couple
Shes definitely an expert at this. Her happy hour goes from 4 to 11, then she starts drinking heavy. She also allots 15 minutes each hour for a pee/bj break
The cops just showed up and arrested her. It's our 2nd date. Do I have to hang out her with her 3 kids until she makes bail or can I leave?
Just watched a drunk girl hand her valet ticket to a cop and walk away.
i wish i just like had a pee bag attached to me and i could just go whenever i want wherever i want
My philosophy professor just told the class that he is suspicious of dolphins. The stoner in front of me totally gets it. I need to start getting high for this class.
I mean, I introduced myself as "the after party". I think he knew early in the night he was in for a bangathon.
Sockward: that moment during sexytimes when you realize your socks are still on and you have no idea how to remove them in a non-awkward fashion.
had a nice chat with the older gay fellow who works in the bakery at the new vons about vday...we both feel that it's a day of dashed expectations & concerns that we'll have to be cut out of our spanx
Idk how I even got accepted into college because literally the only things my brain ever thinks about are YouTube videos of baby animals and sex.
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