One of her kids, Dakota I think, got stuck in a ceiling fan and she had a fit, thats when she found the penis hat.
she told me she sucks everyone's dick but mine because mine is too big and "hard to suck" i need to reevaluate the girls i fall in love with.
I've never heard a "this is the reason why i dont suck your cock" explanation go in that direction
Puking in one of the stalls, a guy ran in and started puking in the other stall... In between heaves we told each other our names; i found out that it was my old best friend that moved away in the 8th grade
I'm graduating. Then you'll never see me again.
We better fuck soon then
At one point, the guy you were fucking high-fived with the guy I was fucking. We should hang out with them again?
Im at target. Idk why I'm buying condoms AND a tutu for my cat. No one who dresses their cat up has ever gotten laid.
i just looked in the mirror i look like i'm about to film a PSA about prostitution
just had sex on top of a camper looking at the stars, BEAT THAT.
I just found a video of you asking to be a whale with me.
She was wearing my robin hood hat from Halloween shouting "steal from the rich and give to the poor, mothafuckaaaaas." We are taking her everywhere.
Just had the best random sex ever with a girl I picked up from a pro choice rally uptown. God bless the Democratic National Convention.
I figured working in my office on the 34th floor I'd be safe railing xanax off my desk. Of course, I snort it just in time for the window washer guy to give me a thumbs up.
I don't know where I keep finding these guys, but mi power bottoms es su power bottoms.
if he becomes president of the united states, I will tell EVERYONE that i took his virginity.
If the amount of time the owner spent looking at my tits is any indication, I’d say I can probably sleep my way to the top
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