saw "Pah-jure" lube. Thought of you. Wearing the same clothes to work tomorrow.
I stayed in, ate a pint of Hagen daas and watched a movie about aids. Soooooooo single.
I woke up fully clothed on top of my sheets and i didnt even pee myself..so proud.
Finished drinking tea out of a red party cup when I was done I flipped it without even thinking
she always winds up in the cupboards its nothing new.
Pretty sure my boner drove me home. Like it didn't just do the steering it was the gas and brake too..
HE STARTED HUMMING THE THEME TO STAR WARS!! WHILE I'M SUCKING HIS DICK!!
I'm in a corner eating carrots and drinking champagne. I've hit a new kind of low.
How is that low? I love carrots.
HOW THE FUCK CAN YOU NOT REMEMBER WHIPPING IT OUT AND PUTTING ON THE BAR?
By the way, you're banned for life.
Um. Did you take a picture of me with a giant dildo after we went bowling?
I'm sending lingerie pics that I took yesterday. I fully prepared for this holiday
Yeah, I probably need some combination of electric shock, massive quantities of LSD, and enough couch time time to make Woody Allen say "Enough".
I would literally only have sex with a dinosaur right now.
Why do I have this feeling like this is heading in a slightly threesome-y direction
Actually we have similar relationship styles aka no relationship... it could work
The last time I saw you, you were giving the stripper a lap dance.
Randomize
