Sometimes I stick my finger in my own ass and pretend it’s a vagina. I think it’s kinda weird. What do you think?
Peanut butter while high is kinda stressful
I miss Michael Jackson so much sometimes
It was the gentlest way I could hit on a girl who just got hit by a car
Pretty sure God shed a tear when I put 15 singles in the collection plate.
I'm at a winery and there's a 50 yr old woman sitting at a table alone with a bottle of wine and the only time I've seen her get up is to harass the hot dog guy
This may be hard to believe, but that wasn't the first time I was fingered under a snuggie
It's not
it's not like this is the first time she's brought a guy home and I'm the one who hooks up with him
well, the two that sent pics I've already been with, so at least its not just BAM HERE'S MY PENIS IN YOUR INBOX ENJOY THOSE MEGAPIXELS
I seriously had to check my phone this morning to make sure I didn't agree to any strange sexual favors.
I can't believe she made out with my 15 year old brother. That kid can seriously pull.
and here comes the time of my day when I haw to convince a guy to drive my cape and my handle to my dorm.
Just got a snapchat from him that was a video of with the caption "my new apartment" in Brazil. I think we might not be seeing eachother anymore.
Don't let me pee the bed... Its going to be one of those weekends
I think you threw up on me last night but i can't remember so i'm not mad at you.
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