I thought Christmas was going to come before I did
Thanks for making me watch you dance provacatively by yourself in the bathroom so you could see if you looked fat.
I ishhh haha are u coming nack easyer?
the fact that I know you're asking me if I'm coming home for easter makes me believe I speak fluent vodka.
Awkward interaction of the day: Staring at some guy trying out if he is or is not the guy that woke me up yesterday by getting arrested in front of my apartment.
The drunk teletubby stumbling out of the place tipped me off..
On the couch having a debate with the dog over whether eating anothr sweet roll will make the hangover better or worse
his profile picture is him throwing up "#1" hands after his lax championship next to his coach that i fucked....embarrasing for him, yet ironically beautiful for me.
Sometimes he has weird facial hair...Basically he has a penis... that's what he's got going for him.
I recommend you throw your keys as far as you can in one direction, your phone as far as you can in the opposite direction, and hold on.
That is the best grammar in a dirty text ever. Excellent use of the semi-colon. And yes; I am hard.
I don't know bro, all I could remember is that he kept saying hallelujah and calling that girl Slutimus Prime
My dick was almost in plain McDonald's sight
I swear she lies about being allergic to gluten so she'll get all the jack and not have to drink shitty beer like the rest of us
Drinking a pint every 8 mins right now. Power hour aint shit.
Good luck
Trying doe a second hour and I.cant open my eyes
Should I tell him how he got the bruise on his ass or just enjoy his theories?
Randomize
