worst hand job ever. my dick is about as raw as that sushi your mom wanted me to try.
i dont think my boyfriend knows how much of a pain it is to shave my ass
hey just checking if u still hate me for sleeping with your sister?
Dude, everyone in your family has slept with that girl. Her vagina is like the Hindu version of a Bar Mitzvah.
the vast amounts of cleavage i'm sporting to my final says "no, I didn't study but don't worry I've got something lined up for when I don't graduate".
Sorry for walking in on you guys last night. FYI I have a bruise on my forehead from having the door slammed in my face. I deserved it.
I just want a pillowcase full of fast food so I can eat and sleep this hangover away
Bring the pizza ill bring the boundaries we can cross
Nope. Turns put my desperate group message for sex didn't work out.
Well you sent it to two guys who were roommates.
They could have rock paper scissored for it. My vagina = the prize.
I had my first "Damn Kids/When I Was That Age" rant at work today. We need to drink this feeling out of me. NOW.
I have drunkenly angered a family of raccoons. Please send help immediately.
We were gonna go out drinking tonight but she found out she's pregnant so are you free
Ugh I don't want to adult today. I need like a dozen more coffees. Or cookies. They're interchangeable.
my roommates are pretty pissed at me. they sent me out for ice and i came back with a kitten.
Moms passed out wet and naked in a rocking chair again....
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