I hope as the only other living being in this apartment you can explain to me why the toilet was full of cheerios this morning.
i think i pulled off the nice guy thing too well. it just backfired later on when she thought i was actually nice.
I just found blacked-out interviews on my voice recorder. Go journalism.
Friends dont let friends get hit with a flaming baton without warning
His body is just chiseled out of sex. I would let that man do anything to my body. Including fuck me while my parents watch
I know I'm not the first to fuck in a park but i deserve props for doing it at 3pm. On a sunny day might I add.
hungover and i feel like a burrito
like eating one or like you are one?
like i am one.
Like there's an 87% chance I'll end up on the bedroom floor demanding sex while freestyling in your face. I'm going to buy rum.
He either works for the Irish Mob or I'm being Catfished
first time i ever mailed panties back to a fuck buddy. what better of a way to say its over
Just participated in the saddest thing: Cheetos. Handjob. I have lost at life
This guy has a theme song for the joints he rolls
Woke up with a bed full of sand...care to explain?
Isnt is self explanatory?
I found half a candy bar in my bra today... Melted to my nipple. What a mess. It was still good though.
I had perfectly good intentions but my penis had other ideas and now I need a place to crash what do you say
Randomize
