he wants to bone in the snuggie
I have a deodorant stick dedicated to my balls.
i think i just heard my dad finish in the other room...
Just burped. Tasted like beer and cherios...Beerios. This is gonna be quite a day.
I think she kind of thinks she's better than us now ... please. I go to Michigan.
Highlight of the day: realizing the man in the car next to mine was getting road head... at 2:45pm... nicely done sir, nicely done.
He's coming over tonight...I really wish I didn't have my period right now...
I believe I'm witnessing the first time ever that you wished your period would NOT come....
did mom hear me barking???
oooooh yeah. good luck explaining that one
sooo high. sooo many dog friends
I've just been thinking about sangria a lot lately, like an adult.
Hey, it's not my fault that you had a shitty bed frame that couldn't handle the rough sex you're into.
So is the trick to long distance communication to be drunk during phone conversations?
so after 3 days of looking i found the keg...looks like somebody tried burying behind the garage
Wanna guess where my charger was last night.....in my cooler with my beer. I put it in there because I knew I would never forget my beer.
It doesn't matter if it's only been 3 days since you last changed your sheets. If your fuck buddy comments on how your bed smells like sex, it's time to change them again.
I texted her mom a picture of us doing it saying "I'm trying to make your daughter just like you!" she was not amused.
Randomize
