I may or may not have screamed I'M ON A BOAT while having sex...on a boat. I think I was born to have sex with him.
either she doesn't know how to dress properly on a sunday morning stroll, or I just saw a 60 year old on a walk of shame
the maid of honor just got in a fight with the mother of the bride at a gas station across the street. best. wedding. ever.
Ong my arms are moving wo my consent
There's a patch of dead grass from where you would notoriously throw up after every good night in July. This summer was great.
The packers need to win more often, Andrew keeps drunk calling me and confessing his undying love for me in between puking and taking more shots.
Why did I puke in my shower caddy last night
i was really hopeful that i could make it to the end of the semester without doing something stupid enough to destroy our relationship but i guess i was wrong..........thanks vodka
Just wanted to say a big ole FUCK YOU for coming out to mom the day before I have to drive with her for 6 hours. Ass hat.
No, it's cool, I just bounced from the hospital. I was...talking to a security guard, maybe?
Not too bad but came home early cuz business was shut down due to an employee sexually harrassing the inspector
You know you're too drunk when you start calling people out for unfollowing you on social networks.
So my roommate just came out of the shower with a dude...guess that answers all questions as to whether or not he's gay
We just had sex in the shed while having a conversation about cheeseburgers...so that's how my day is going
Just ordered a pregnancy test off amazon. Fuck 2019
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