i kno its fucked up..but id rather sleep it off than seek medical attention right now
Babe! I just farted and I swear to jesus lord christ that it sounded like ur name! Ok, more like Meeatt but still... awesome.
Since she's grinding up on your thigh right now, I'm sending you this text hoping it makes your phone vibrate in her vagina
I saw your purple underwear in the road this morning.
they are using this drunk girl like a spin the bottle in the hot tub, whoever she lands on she makes out with.
I'm listening to bach and watching porn,is that a sign of depression?
Quite the contrary. Sophistication.
What I thought it would be sexy pouring melted chocolate down here chest, ended up in second degree burns. Hot food and sex do not mix.
I wonder if you can snort coke upside down
i always knew that i'd have sex in your room, i just assumed it would be with you
had my ear almost bitten off in foreplay. the sex gods do not like me.
He threw up in the campfire, the alcohol in his puke caught on fire. Im marrying this man
Call me when you get off. I have stories about black lesbians in jail begging to braid my hair...
Sorority life is like alcoholic girl scouts, plus douchebags in polos.
No it was fine, I've just never seen that many people eat dog food
I would but he’s not speaking to me because I put ketchup in his socks.
Randomize
