I'm looking for sex. Do you know her?
I'm surrounded by too many unhungover people.
Please come pick me up? I sleep walked to planned parenthood again.
it is entirely possible that the police will be knocking on the door in 25 minutes
yes, i was eatting raw cookie dough and fingering myself at the same time.... is there a problem?
Walking out of our apartment this morning to go to class, I saw a sticky note on the front door that said "get tested." The door was unlocked so did you bring some stranger back last night? I'm assuming you weren't referring to me...
So, just in case you go to the bathroom in the middle of the night.. Sam is asleep in the first stall.
It was almost as bad as the time I peed on the floor of the Pentagon's subway station.
I fingered myself to realization that I don't need birth control if there is never a guy.
Last I saw, they went for a smoke and only one came back. He passed out outside. I'm glad he's only 120lbs. I left him on the rug still. My mom is gonna be pissed.
My gynecologist got a full view of the obviously bite marked shaped bruises on my thighs. I just kept talking about work and hoped she wouldn't judge me.
Also, the greatest of ironies: I got shampoo confiscated by security while Corey managed to get pot through. MERICA!
Any story that involves the words "bloody hand job" and/or "sliced penis" is bound to be a good one, right?
Dude my pants were only on for 20 minutes after she got there.
That's 30 minutes too many.
Honestly I have a huge freedom boner right now and if I came it would be red white and blue
Randomize
