Espresso. Can't sleep. Love puppies
nothing as in nothinggggg kills the mood for me is when a girl with 4 cm nipple hair
i just farted in a meeting....took me completely by surprise.
so you made the shocked face and they caught you.
yup.
You know you're hung over when your pose in art class is lying face down on the platform
You both must have been completely wasted because every once in a while we would hear you both stop and start singing to each other. At one point it was taylor swift.
Im drunk with people I love less than you. fix it.
I would call you but I don't feel like these hands belong to me.
thought the power was flickering out but it turns out im just blinking
I walked into the kitchen and twelve of them were just staring at the oven. Freshmen are the weirdest drunks ever.
WHY DO I WANT TO FUCK EVERY GUY THAT BREATHES
I just remembered that last night I ate nachos off of someone else's table with a stranger
One of my students submitted a thesis proposal to find the exact correlation between desire for sexual intercourse and vaginal heat.
Tell me you accepted it! This is critical fucking research!
Yeah. I found my shirt from last night while walking back to the bar to get my purse/phone this morning. I'm never going to even ask what actually happened. Be glad you moved 7 states away.
Throwing up while listening to NPR because I’m trying to adult through this hangover
He went down on me while I was on the phone with my grandma.
Randomize
