people would bow to what i just did to her vagina
He then proceeded to try to whisper up my nose...
you were holding her hair as she threw up saying "I'm going to be a great doctor" repeatedly.
I realized it was a bad idea when I broke my collar bone
Oh boy...do i want the 'something you can tell your mom in 10 yrs' version or the 'Im gonna call you a whore but be proud' version?
Middle of vacation, he walked into an audition for a Broadway musical in a drunken stupor. I think he got the part.
I got a second ticket last night for drunkly using my one call to order a pizza and get it delivered at the police station
took some adderal to make my alochol withdrawl less shitty. now im just concentrating on how badly i need a drink
I guess your brother-in-law will have his day in the sun tonight after you leave. By that, I of course, mean he's gonna suck liquor milk out your sister's tits.
Ims textiofg thsi woht my noes bcuz my hansd aer stli handcuffde to teh bedfrme. Help me
we are not taking body shots with the irish cream
The hat, the beard, the hard posing - like who does he think he is?
A bag of dicks
That's dating life
There might be a dead possum in your bed, your roomate is extremely distressed!
that sounds horrible...
what could possibly go wrong attempting to re-enact the dinosaur capture scene from Jurrasic Park... I have the net gun and camcorder you have the dino costume and can run
Why did you have to tell me he has a hammer cock? Now I can’t stop staring at his pants.
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