I just want to hang out with her.
You're a liar. Why do I have to give you reasons you can't have sex with my mom? I hate you.
we have officially mastered the walk of shame
I just saw a homeless guy on rollerblades; I don't think I've ever felt sorrier for someone in my life.
Great. Me and the intoxalock guy are getting so close he just said "alright see you later girl!" when I called about getting the blower recallibrated.
She started licking your face, then you turned to me and said "I guess thats my cue", and you proceeded to hook up with her.
Apparently you can coat check a keg.
How do i politely tell him his dick looks like it went thru a meat grinder?
She keeps feeding me drugs. Its like I'm her baby bird or something
I resisted the urge to announce that it looks like a big crystal butt plug
IM NOT TALKING TO YOU UNTIL YOU MAKE A PROCLAMATION YOU LOVE ME MORE THAN TACOS
Personally, I'm gonna be Sexy Dobby the House Elf.
I am more than mildly offended he didn't screenshot the snapchat of my boobs.
I think this Canadian beach volleyball player might be my soulmate. We could check each other's shoulders for melanoma.
Woke up on a lawn chair hugging a bottle of vodka. Hows your morning so far?
Don't get yourself off tomorrow. We. Are. Having. Sex. That's that. Just dont do it.
Randomize
