everyday i am more and more thankful i can still check the no box for "have you ever been convicted of a felony?" on applications
Also, we should really buy some bandaids. Right now I'm using toilet paper and scotch tape, but I don't really think that's sanitary.
Ahhh sometimes you just need a thermos of whiskey in the library
They seemed upset when they walked out and saw a penis in a mouth
The last thing I remember is teaching our waffle house waitress to do the stanky leg and promising the grill cook we would come see him at his other job.
Seriously, I am going to crawl in a hole, sew my vagina shut, and spit acid on any man that comes near me.
Tequila is gods way of telling you don't fuck with tequila
No I need this job. I actually contemplated buying a vibrator with my dad's credit card the other night.
I just sent my ex off to a party, threw a condom at him, and told him to make good choices.
I've just been thinking about sangria a lot lately, like an adult.
I make him buy me all the extremely expensive high end Mac cosmetics I desire. Wear it then let him cum on my face. I am fucking glamorous.
You know it was one hell of a night when you need to use your own thong to wipe cum off your face.
Spending Thanksgiving making a swinging profile brings the day to a whole new level...
Dude, putting on underwear straight out of the dryer is the greatest thing ever. It feels like I wrapped my vagina in a warm blanket.
Well drunk me was looking out for sober me again, hid the beer and bought another case for me
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