you were so high you spent the rest of the night smelling pepper to prove you can sneeze with your eyes open
the last 2 times weve had drunk sex ive had to get the morning after pill.. he's turning into a real expensive fuck buddy.
Nothing quite says America like barbecue and beer at 9 in the morning.
I hated hipsters before it was mainstream.
I don't understand why everytime I fuck his bestfriend he seems more interested in me...
I just dropped my cookie in my glass of milk and looked at it for ten minutes. Thanks for telling me you made weed cookies.
EVERYONE CAN HEAR YOU FUCKING YOU ARE IN A TENT
He drives a BMW. I have to fuck him. Girl Code Rule #26.
There is nothing more demoralizing than exchanging 150 dollar Christmas gifts with a girl your not sleeping with
She said we could only have sex if she got to keep her fake moustache on during
All I have in my new place is coke and a treadmill.. it's workout Wednesday
I left him on his mom's lawn after he passed out in my lap and told me my vagina smells like flowers. Couple of the year award
Yeah, so, that moment when the repair guy comes in and you see your cock ring on the counter one second before he does.
I'm somewhere between crying and wanting to orgasm.
Last 4 google searches: class c felony, scary ghosts, peanut butter jelly time, Lindsey lohans vagina
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