YOU CAN MICROWAVE POPTARTS!?!??!
She came to work with 6 additional layers of make-up, playing every Nickelback song about explicit teen sex, and with a dozen twinkies she bet she could finish without chewing any. I'm investing in a rape whistle.
this dieting is killing me...just started drooling watching a dog food commercial
I should go buy the economy size box of condoms and sprinkle a path like rose petals to my bed... Think he'd get the hint?
We enjoyed our moment of partial gayness together
Jail is not for me. They portion control your meals and I don't really like that.
Beer and tomahawks! Not gonna end well!
There's cereal in my underwear. Was I in your apartment at any time last night? That's the only logical explanation for this.
My vagina was just really confused why you weren't inside it
he said didn't have much sexual experience and then proceeded to tell me he is going to make me cum harder than my vibrator could
well, that escalated quicky
Got home. All the lights were on. All the doors were unlocked. My room was covered in beads, there's puke in the sink and of course our toilet is still broke. I'd say it was a decent Mardi Gras
I'm so high that hamburger just went up my nose. Mustard BURNS
My vagina has made plenty life decisions and I would like to point out very few if not any of them were in my favor.
I just found a samari sword in the couch. I'm about to take like 5 shots and pretend to be captain jack sparrow
she crossed my comfort zone...i thought i was a freak
said the guy with a pink sex swing...
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