I just left during the middle of Chemistry to go throw up in the bathroom....and you laughed at my travel toothbrush.
I just found 51 cents in my bed. Did you leave me a tip?
all you kept saying from the spare room was "can you bring me a puke bowl...and the cat"
the room spins SO much faster in panama
I just realized that there are baby oil soaked hand prints on the wall over my bed. Last night was a good night.
Listen up tinkerbell, You're gonna come to the bar, hit on some fat chicks, and step up when I punch someone in the face.
Dude that girl I hooked up with Tuesday is in lecture. I told her I was from the Dominican visiting my cousin and was leaving the next day. Hiding under my hood and hangover.
I might have been fine if i had magic teleportation powers and could have skipped the car ride between bar and home
I walked in and all four of you were covering your heads under the blanket singing waterslides in unison.
Just from watching vine I come to conclusion that all pornstars are dog hoarders.
Know anything about my roof collapsing last night?
Tequila.
May the power of my ass compel you!!
You drunkenly said something along the lines of "move forever" to the lady standing in your way. Needless to say you had too many mimosas at breakfast.
BUT I'M ALSO ONLY IN IT FOR SEX AND HE CAN'T EVEN GET THAT PART RIGHT.LIKE LITERALLY ALL HE HAS TO DO IS DICK ME DOWN AND BE A DECENT HUMAN BEING IS THAT SO HARD TO ASK?!
The man built me a fort. Of course he got laid.
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