12 pack with dinner. Living by yourself is awesome.
I woke up with semen in my invisalign. My molars were just marinating in it
I'm scared at the amount of beastiality in this conversation.
"Tuesday" and "open-bar" shouldn't be used in the same sentence.
"Students using Axe body spray to light selves on fire" is a real headline from a real newspaper. WHY AREN'T WE DOING THIS RIGHT NOW?
It was worse than when we pepper-sprayed my dick. I feel mislead.
I still don't understand how I went from crying to blowing you in like two minutes.
Call me as soon as you're able to dial a phone. I just took a shit behind a building in broad daylight and need to get the fuck outta here soon.
So this whole chlamydia situation totally puts a damper on my back to school sex schedule, there's just no way of knowing who of them was the perpetrator... Time for new candidates
So it's ironically funny that my psychiatrist's office and my cocaine dealer's house are on the same street
I need to see you idiots before I go back to school. But we shouldn't snort Crown Royal this time.
you got drunk, told him he looked like shaggy and said 'I wouldn't show you my mystery machine for all the scooby snacks in the world'
Which emoticons convey sympathy for sleeping with someones bf ??
I smell like a mix of alcohol, sweat, and sex and its only 10 AM
Cancel your plans for the fourth someone is streaming iron chef on twitch
Randomize
