Our Neighbors are trying to steal our ducks!
it was like she wanted to be a once a week night stand
he kept kneeing me like he was playing footsies... only then i realized it was his dick.
Dude..TWLOHA day. gonna write LOVE on my arms before going to the bar tonight. its like a pussy guarantee.
Dude with the Beatles haircut just got his pilots license and wants to take us up to do a case race mid flight. Don't tell me networking is unnecessary.
I went to the gas station and the lady goes I remember you. Broken sunglasses and puke on your car.
How the hell did he get a boner in that type of situation?
she asked him to cuddle cuz she was cold and instead he got up, moved the space heater to her side of the bed, and went back to sleep
Who knew drunk me could climb a 17 story building for apple juice and sex
I have no idea why my husband is mad that I came home at 4 am & all I want to do is eat spaghettios. It's not fucking spaghettios fault.
Well you know I have tits so that's half the battle
also I can check "jump into a moving car" off my bucket list if that tells you how tonight is going
If you can't beat em, make them send you dick pics so they can't do anything stupid again.
It just so happens all of their names are Ryan, so I never have to change whose name I moan.
skipped tacos for a blowjob. No tacos. No blowjob. More importantly...no tacos. Wtf?
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