This old guy in denny's is sitting alone and he is looking at us and laughing for no reason
she says her boyfriend and her dignity are both out of town tonight
Anyway, my grandfather thinks you're attractive
FYI, your girlfriend is on her way to the ER. She tried to balance a bottle of jack on her chest. Smashed toes, blood all over patio. Call her, kinda funny though.
I can't believe they didnt cut us off after we all hugged each other and started singing "were the 3 best friends that anybody could have" RIGHT IN FRONT of the bar and bartender...
I thought it was a myth but I have just reached the age of sitting on my balls. Not a fan.
My 19 year old brother just hooked up with his 45 year old cougar kindergarten teacher. These sorts of situations make me realize why the sorority girls call him Wondercock
The last time I went to Vegas and the sun started to rise, my copilot went home with her nipples pierced.
no it was not a "magical experience". After we dropped, he just sat there staring at my laptop going "apple makes beautiful things".
Was your bare penis on or around my blanket?
He was stoned laying on my bed singing I'm a little tea cup while I took a pregnancy test. Thank god it was negative.
NOBODY TALKS SHIT ABOUT PANDA EXPRESS
My mom just said "okay girls, the ONLY thing i ask is that you stay sober Saturday afternoon, until halfway through lunch. And you don't wear that crystal camo hat. This is a funeral, not a tailgate party"
Best wishes.
Are you rolling a joint while doing homework?
No, I am rolling a joint with my homework.
My life is far to together for someone who's such a hot mess inside
Randomize
