Funny, I didnt know that facebook statuses were for crappy song lyrics
Just a heads up. Everytime I get arrested in Maine I claim I lost my ID and use your name.
THIS IS THE EMERGENCY BOOZE SYSTEM. I AM EN ROUTE TO DEWITT WITH A FIFTH OF TEQUILA. THIS IS NOT A TEST
This is most sickening thing I've ever seen, and I threw up my body weight in jello shots on my birthday.
How do I enter a double puke and rally into my calorie counter?
He's rapping about a turtle neck sweater. Please come get me.
State dependent memory. I just needed to feel my teeth. It was like a fog was lifted.
Turns out floaties are a great thing after a couple bottles of vodka
Serio, who the fuck falls down coming offstage wearing nothing but pasties, a g-string, and a fake moustache, and now suddenly needs a tetanus shot. Me. That's who.
Yeah he told me he wanted a serious relationship, but he's posting pictures of his dick on Kik.
He invited to drink but spelled forties wrong so no thx
I opened my bookbag to put my laptop in and I found two granola bars and a pregnancy test. I am clearly prepared for life
logically I know i should probably study somewhere outside my dorm room, but if I do that then I cant drink and smoke half as much while i study
He asked when the last time I had sex was. I had to look at the clock and respond "12 hours ago"
just spent the last 20 minutes cleaning out the soap dispenser. fuck. me. adderall.
Randomize
