he literaly had a hockey helmet on and was swan diving off the couch onto the coffee table.
btw, do you remember scaling that porch last night?
I think I wrote "thanks for the free alcohol!!!" in their wedding guest book and I'm almost positive I signed my name
It's not quite a landing strip... It's more like a soul patch for my vagina.
HI MARY. THERE IS A RAINBOW AT OUR APARTMENT
So wait. Let me get this straight lol... you... are are considering offering fetish services to "trample and own" someone for $80 in order to pay for someone to come organize ur shit? Pure genius.
come home. I need you. I'm too hungover to deal with this hangover alone
He's wearing my bra and eating a breadstick while jumping on our bed.....
He wrote on the bartenders notepad "phone?" So I wrote back "911"
I didn't even respond. Just letting the crazy settle before I calmly fuck his shit up.
You just kept looking down at your tits and screaming "I LOVE YOU TWO!!!"
Okay well for one he didn't speak any english but before any happened he made me use the translator to consent
on a scale of one to ten where does vomming from being hungover during a professionalism lecture fit
You're emotionally mature, right? I said you were.
I have at least four things in my line of sight that have Kermit the Frog on them in my dorm. Does that answer your question?
We ran out of vodka, so instead of body shots you wanted to do cupcake shots off her naked body...happy birthday to you.
Randomize
