Just saw remains of her puke from last night on my pants.... thats got "Apology BJ" written all over it.
Soooo my gf got the droid and doesn't have BBM anymore, I think its over for her
Is it wrong of me that I wish I could be a midget for a day so I can give head standing up?
Then he took his girlfriend's fuzzy handcuffs and locked me to their bed. Key is in an unknown location. He's surprisingly idiotic, for being premed.
I'd just like to give a shout out to jesus and plan b for making this day possible.
Just realized the guy is in my class. Unless there's another guy that had half his ear bit off at a St. Patty's party
They tried to dine n dash at dennys and the waiter jumped on their car and broke their windshield
Best line overheard at the bar: "This is the last time I'm shaving my ass for him...I mean we just broke up".
my roommate would be appalled if she knew how many times i've peed in the kitchen sink
We dated for a month and a half. he didn't like blow jobs. I honestly don't think he was human.
so this maintenance guy stood at the corner of my cubical and scratched his balls for like a full minute cause he thought no one could see him
Your face; I've seen enough of it for today. Go away now please.
So I sniffed too hard this morning before work and I THINK THE COCAINE JUST STARTED ROUND 2.
Today's forecast: 90% chance of bad decisions, good stories, solid new dick and artichoke pizza
After dropping your phone on the ground you got down and sat with it, kissed it and apologized for being so mean
Randomize
