Went to gas station for smokes. three cops pulled in. got gas i didn't need. found diff gas station.
good choice.
I just had my first uncircumcised penis. I kept staring at it like the foreskin was going to fall off on its own.
I just saw my grandmother naked. again. this needs to stop now.
It's one thing to send dick shots. It's a whole other thing to send unimpressive dick shots while wearing crocs.
I just banged your sister. Thats what you get for takibg my lunch money in 2 grade, boom, boom fiyyaa powaa
Okay, who took a picture of their pubes shaved into a dragon on my phone and made it the background?!
Too many penises have met your hands. Stop or die.
We got naked and peed in the garden. Something about bonding with our new house
If I come in tomorrow with a cane and a seeing eye dog it's because I just mixed up my salicylic acid acne stuff with my eye makeup remover
We had sex on the beach. I was completely naked except for my sneakers. That's when you know
the reason i can drink whatever i want and you have a limit is because whiskey will never make my pussy not work
Drinking and pointing where stuff needs to go is hard stuff.
Like he held up the condom afterwards, twirled it with his finger, and said "look at that load"
How did people get blow jobs before text messaging?
Pandemic Silver Lining: cheap hotel rates makes it easier to have afternoon fun with my side dick
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