TBS has betrayed me by telling me tyler perry is funny
i was hoping the water fountain would somehow shoot out vodka this morning
I just experienced a full blown christian wedding. I am SO GLAD YOUR WEDDING WASNT THIS.
He literally had no idea who I was, so he made me turn around 360 degrees and when he saw my ass, he blurted out my first AND last name.
i don't know where i am. i made bad decisions. i think this guy is dead.
I just wanna lay in my bed all bundled up as have someone feed me lettuce
It'll just be like "PENIS HERE". In case you get lost.
Mom looked at me, frowned, and said "it makes me sad to see you drink before noon.." So i told her if she doesn't like it she needs to stop waking me up before noon.
I'm chatting on my fake OkCupid account and watching Lion Witch & Wardrobe on my second screen. Hail me, King of the Creepers
I figured working in my office on the 34th floor I'd be safe railing xanax off my desk. Of course, I snort it just in time for the window washer guy to give me a thumbs up.
You will bone me until my eyeballs fall out. This is not a request.
of fours songebofy did dknt stop believing
how legible are my texts
It's a shame things ended how they did. We were well on our way to transforming from acquaintances with benefits to friends with benefits.
long story short, he tried to fuck me standing up, toppled over, and now I have four stitches next to my eye
Remember that time we were together? Yeah, I don't miss that.
Randomize
