Yeah no shit. My mom is giving me winecoolers as we watch a show abt alcoholics
...you put a chicken patty in my toaster last night..
I don't understand why we need a holiday to become more aware of boobs...
Ed hardy stationary at walmart. I'm betting snookie wishes she knew how to write
Ive seen him cuddling a giant inflatable seahorse. Nothing could be creepier than that.
I heard him crying and I heard him listening to porn... I'm hoping to God they weren't at the same time.
It blows my mind that pandora doesn't have an : I want to lay in bed in the dark and be sad and cold and eat frozen mangos and chipotle all day station
I can see the future and your future is full of penis
Lol if he questions who I am I'm gonna send him a pic of his boxers
I'll say this one last time. You are TWENTY FIVE YEARS OLD. You are not going to die alone and this is not the twilight of your life. Stop taking shrooms on your period!!!!
I never said it was inaccurate, I said I hate you.
The awkward moment your booty call shows up to the Mexican restaurant and realizes you just picked burritos over pussy
I'm not sure. I have to find the Greeks I was with last night and see if they can explain to me why I can't hear out of my right ear and why I look like I got the shit kicked out of me
I'm not sure of this happened or if it was just a dream... But I vividly remember you walking down the street naked?
No actually I had socks on...
he went down on me and a few minutes later he asked to show me a magic trick. then he pulled a quarter out of my vagina
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