between no blow jobs for the rest of his life, or no cheese for the rest of his life, he chose no blowjobs. ive never felt so bad about my bj abilities before
I'll call it a relationship when I stop masturbating after he goes to sleep
where are you?
Hypothermia
Have you ever tried running while drinking 151?
Ok roommate is officially weird. Just watched her microwave the same broccoli 3 times in a row and cry b/c she fucked it up. Wtf lol
scream really loud. we think you crawled under the deck
How early is too early to study with margaritas?
You know you had a good time when you get the wheelchair treatment in Mexico back to your cruise.
I'm tired of the topic. I sent him a pic of my vagina to change it.
I may have unintentionally punched your cat twice but he's an asshole anyway.
My mind doesn't wanna day drink but my heart does.
Sorry for throwing up in your humidifier last night, I thought it was some sort of electrical garbage can
This bitch goes out driving during the nor'easter to get her ass eaten.. that’s dedication
Dude, I'm sorry if you saw me getting head in my truck last night. My bad.
Dude, A DAMN CHEESEBURGER HIT ME IN THE FACE!!! WTF was i suppoused to do!?.
Randomize
