dude beer before liquor = i want to shoot myself in the face
are you so shy because you have an std?
she smelled like a LAN party
I may have broken a few toes and my face hurts. I do know that I pissed the bed so at least I've got some closure there
I face planted right in front of a cop. He looked at me, shook his head, mumbled "freshman" under his breath, helped me up and told us to get home safely. I love college.
you're trying to get a guy who's been in a coma for 2 weeks and who thought he was in '08 yesterday to drive you to the liquor store?
yeah, you wanna come?
No, your dick is problems. Anyone you fuck haunts us for the rest of the semester. If you need to get laid, I'll personally drive you out of state.
I put xanax in the cake batter
Did you really? It all makes sense now.
For real, I've been ditched by my boyfriend twice today alone. I fucking shaved for this guy.
Somewhere out there, Gloria Steinem just started to cry.
We also had a full on debate about how realistic and useful teleportation and time travel would be...and only used Twilight Zone episodes as "scientific evidence"
I'm still getting random messages from guys about my Halloween outfit. Electrical tape is coming back next year
5 hours of volunteer work playing with puppies and banned from the frat I hate most as 'punishment'... Besides the ER trip, I'm not seeing the bad in this situation
ok so i took my anxiety medication and i'm eating junior mints and i think my vagina will be ok
Come camping we have xanax and steaks
Just an fyi, you also tried to wrangle a peacock last night.
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