i puked in the mini-firdge
we don't have a mini-fridge?
bought one. it ws too cheap to pass up. xcept now there's puke in it,,, but the freezer's fine so i feel pretty good about that
Her parents hate her and she's on like major lockdown. All her friends are in jail and she has massive pit stains. Dude... It doesn't get much worse than that.
Lol i'z typing this with my 962 nose
962=my?
Yeah.i
I convinced her last night that my actual nickname was "No Condom John"
sounds like you fell off the wagon.
fuck falling off. at this point, the wagon is a dot on the horizon.
Dude it was weird. The strippers vagina tasted kind of like your mother's.
I literally just wielded a katana to save a child's life. What did you do today?
I may or may not have just sent the bartender a pic of me in my slutty cheerleader costume with the caption "rah rah ree, gimme yo d"
You are a booty call, not a friend.
I'm so high. Midnight pancake breakfast in bed
The next time you fuck up, your grandma sees your dick pics
We both know we're cheating on one another. But our side pieces aren't as kinky as us...so yeah, we're still together. This is a fucked up relationship.
You know the bunny onesie you sent me? Happy Halloween, I just did the hop of shame.
I was just at the gas station and happened to look left and see a girl blowing some guy. How was your night?
My boss just offered me a vodka mixed drink at work I do not have a real job
Randomize
