bar tonight had a doorbell to get in and last night i saw my neighbors fuck on the balcony, she wore a nurse outfit. Missouri isn't so bad...
the pizza man had no reaction when jackie and me opened the door naked, i guess he's used to that shit
Somehow last night, my dad got me so drunk that I ended up throwing up on the couch, turning the cushions over to hide it, and going to sleep on them.
Woke up naked in another mans house. If that keeps happening, then I probably need to go gay. You know to make it ok.
I feel like I've been slapped by Gods icy cold dick of vengeance.
Why did I wake up holding food tongs?
Power hour was a bad idea. It turned into power 4 hours, then power puke. Then power sleep till 3.
I am trying to think of a way to tell him about thanksgiving and the following weekend in a way that makes me sound funny and exciting and not like an alcoholic
Your list of "good ideas" thumbtacked to the lampshade last night consisted of nothing but "tampon-pen" with a note indicating that girls could then always have something to write with, even naked.
Haha. Fifty shades ain't got shit on me. My tits look like they got in a fight.
she basically told me that her vine videos last longer that I do
Can you technically cross something off your bucket list if you don't, per say, remember it....?
I'm very impressed by your ability to explain a story about your fiery snatch solely in emojis. props.
Accidentally donated half a joint to Kiwanis with the spare change from my car's ashtray. I hope those kids appreciate it.
She shoved her hand down my pants and held my cock for thirty minutes in the bar. It was like she was letting all the other females know I was hers.
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