dude, your ex-bf is on match.com
details on that.
well, his profile doesn't say anything about herpes.
I just sneezed cum. He better have a damn good day at work.
Now that you're back together are you gonna tell him you set his stuff on fire?
We literally played a game called pass the child which consisted of us shitfaced tossing the 5 year old birthday boy at each other
And then as he was trying to conceal his boner from everybody, you said aloud "just grab your cock and get out of the pool"
My sister was not impressed when she got here. I was standing in the doorway in my underwear drinking a beer. At 2pm. On a Monday.
Im calling him
was mistake calling. If you drunk dial someone you deserve to choke on a tubesock. Take the advice. Always remember
I'm so hungover I literally am considering drinking from the fishtank to avoid getting out of bed.
I only saw you for about 5 min, but you were rambling about how not even the whiskey could make you fight the skeleton guards.
I flashed a party boat full of Asians yesterday, didn't I?
My head feels like a nest made of hair and cum
I'm pretty sure they kept making references about gangbanging me but I was too stoned to catch on, I just sat there and stared at his kitten.
I tried sex in a car once. It was like trying to do yoga in a drainage pipe with your arms and legs tied while using a typewriter with your penis.
how much do I hate his dog? was just googling to see if you can rent a hungry eagle for the weekend hate.
Despite evidence suggesting otherwise, it turns out max is 100%straight.
Randomize
