I'm afraid we're only dating because we're too lazy to look for anyone else.
so i definitely just saw 2 cops high five each other as they were arresting underage drinkers in 5 points.
I had sex with billy mayes last night. HE KEPT IN CHARACTER THE WHOLE TIME.
I just turned in a 4 page paper spelling absolute as "absolut" every single time. I'm an alcoholic
Give me the approximate price and I'll give you the equivalence in blowjobs.
Saturday dinner is funfetti cake and merlot. Singlehood has come to this.
Doing lines and watching a show on hot dogs around the world ... Why do I do this to myself
Daquari drive throughs 24 hours a day. LORD HAVE MERCY
You grinded and hooked up with a middle aged tiger woods look-a-like with manboobs. Tequila isn't for you.
Hey ER girl, its the EMT you beat at blowjobs shots last night.
That is the scariest sentence I have ever read.
If I could drive and get you Starbucks I would... But that's probably not a good idea. On account of the drugs.
If we could give a gymnastic score to drunken nights, I would be a part of the Fab Five.
I had a flashback of using my sock as a napkin after we got taco bell
I would date him. For 1 month. Just so I could say I was a trap queen for 1 month.
I have booze and I wanna give you a bj. How can you be mad at me?
Randomize
