First guy to fuck a girl in the new tool shed. Her underwear is on the shovel hook.
Ive never seen someone more dtf than a soaking wet drunk girl who stumbles into your backyard.
I should have kept drinking, a coma can't be as bad as this hangover
Also, I had a dream I had a ray gun and woke up holding my dick.
thank god we only have to drink eggnog and rum once a year. It taste like shit.
I cant shower it involves moving...
Just lay there and turn the water on. At least rinse off the shame.
You're an asshole. I don't want your dick as my background. I'll look like I have a thumb fetish.
he may or may not have motorboated me on the steps of the library of congress
I feel like we have both made good decisions regarding our vaginas lately
He sent me a recycled dick pic! He could at least use one without sunlight in it, considering it's 10pm
So he got the TA job but i told him its not official until we have a quickie on his desk. He offered to break into his office. He doesnt start until this fall.
I woke up on a boat next to an extremely attractive man wearing nothing but a life jacket. Neither one of us owns a boat...
He put on star wars porn, i thought it was hilarious last night but now i'm wondering why he has star wars porn
He's a freak. Not like "freak in the bed" freak but like "eats glue in the weekends" freak.
I want to get drunk and watch somebody else's tragedy.
Randomize
