This bar is like a mediocre whore house....but free
i'm going to be one of those im-wearing-a-shirt-as-a-dress girls today. dont make fun of me, i need laid
Just wrote a paper about alcohol abuse that sounded like my weekend...
My boss just gave me full permission to come into work wasted this weekend.
Note to self glow in the dark nail polish can be quite the mood killer during sex especially when you notice its working for the first time and you stop everything your doing to do spirit fingers
Well, I tried to shit into my refrigerator. It was a rough night.
Jesus christmas you are like the Martha Stewart of threeway planning
This chick had a microhand. Fucking, like, jerking off a baby carrot would make it look like corn.
He stole all of his parent's vodka WHILE they were in the room, and then opened the window and snuck out. I was watching from my truck
Apparently I tried my hand at mustard juggling. I wasn't very good.
we're drinking bellinis i mean god's titty nectar
being serenaded is actually kind of awkward 2/10 do not reccommend
Ok, maybe playing "whose family is most dysfunctional" wasn't the best drunk idea we've had. Todd''s been crying in the bathroom for an hour. We can't get him out...
screwing the intern at work sucks when u find out the boss is too. She is a smoking hot though
I would like you to know, a bag of cheese cubes just attacked me at work.
Randomize
