Sometimes when I whip my dick out it looks REAL impressive. This, was NOT one of those times.
These people need to leave so I can have rum and Doritos at work like every other American.
The album was titled "Best Night Ever" until she found out she was preggers and switched it to "God Punishes Sluts"
Just heard the new 'We are the world' ... Can I get my 10 bucks for Haiti back?
People are suprisingly accepting of someone doing a walk of shame in a toga...
How long can I microwave pasta with a 20 percent alcohol content?
Hes warming up week old McDonalds french fries, putting hot sauce on them, and counting them with his shirt off.
He just walked into my room in a robe with a cooking pot of cereal.
Just stole a goat. Bringing it to your house to cock block. Blame the goat not me.
I feel like my chances would have been better if I hadn't told her "I need to fuck you before you leave."
I just caught myself watching and Irish step dance documentary in my underwear drinking nyquil through a straw at 2 in the afternoon. today's off to a good start.
I got arrested in a leprechaun onesie
Secrets from the porn industry: liTERALLY SHOVE A SEA SPONGE UP YOUR VAGINA GO ON DO IT
Bro, that'd be the third dick I've taken down in the office.
You kept apologizing to your car for talking behind its back
Randomize