So I've officially decided that I AM that drunken mistake that girls hate themselves for in the morning.
I intend to get homeless drunk
I'm also annoyed at my horoscope for not warning me of my perils
His threats seemed pretty legit for a 6 year old
On campus. Grown men in women's sexy bee costumes. Complete with legwarmers. This cannot be real life.
I think I was using my hair to catch my vomit last night.
You were.
I feel like I have to sign a death waver before I have sex with him...
his finger was half off and he was more concerned that he wasnt at home shooting cucumbers out of his potato gun.
My brain is like scrambled eggs. If scrambled eggs were trying to escape out of my skull through my forehead.
I screamed so bad because I thought he was going for my sandwich forgetting it was in my hand
I feel like dick that good should always be within a five kilometre radius of me.
So if I run into you on the street, I'm supposed to just stop drop and suck your dick?
My roommate randomally bought me two bags of pretzels. Worst "Sorry you can hear me fucking my boyfriend everynight" gift ever.
How did the surgery go?
My face feels like a marshmallow.
He literally asked permission to hit on me
Randomize
