Tell your sister I'm no fool. Or at least romanticize the notion of the fool.
I have been thinking about it and I am really glad we decided to order helmets.
My mom just asked me if I was gay in front of my gf
As long as you don't die I'm in full support of your drinking decisions
Apparently last night drunk me put my phone in a cup of beer to make it "fun scented".
don't worry i just saved a song to my personal usb drive to give to the dj at the bar. he's playing old school jlo whether he likes it or not.
we're stoned watching those roller coaster simulators w our hands up screaming on our couch
I made her a sippy cup with eggnog and whiskey. My meditation app told me to go the extra mile for someone today, so I did.
Someone fucked up, the stop Kony day is on 4/20,
I don't think ill be here long the chick I came to see is blowing rails with a drag queen
He was dressed as a cowboy and he was dancing with my ex roommate. So I took his gun and pistol whipped him with it..then somehow we still slept together..
And I'm stuck at home while my dad's in vegas hanging out with Zach gali... Zach... That guy from the hangover
There's a man with a stuffed dog and a can of dog food on the L. Should I break it to him?
Best not to. Some people need their delusions.
So, I have realized that I am kryptonite for married men. I'm not sure how to feel about this sober, but drunk me accepts her destiny.
How are you feeling?
I mean, shattered dignity aside, not bad.
Randomize