i wonder how he feels talking to my mother about jesus with a condom on his dick
Did he make you just lay your head next to his cock and talk to it again?
Well last time he got out of rehab he lasted 6 hours. So 3 days this time is quite an accomplishment.
Also I'm very proud of th fact that I walked my dog before bed. Drunk dog walking should be an Olympic sport; it takes SKILLS.
You better be Eskimo Brother-ing the FUCK out of tonight right now. Long distance 'balls deep' high five
my last clear memory of the night was being offered a shot but having so much alcohol in my hands that someone literally had to pour it in my mouth for me. after that it pretty much skips to waking up face down and shirtless on my floor.
I only call her for sex and medical advice. She admitted she feels like a worried parent when her phone rings at 5 a.m.
I want to be your penis for a week.
I can't promise that. They just put an extra shot in my margarita.
Is it possible to break your brain with drugs?
Beans, may the odds of a nip slip and drunken make out session be ever in your favor
6 more days and it'll be a year since i slept with him and never went home
Remember when we used to smoke out of an apple at the playground? Those were some precious moments
I had sex in the tube at that same playground once. That park is full of memories.
Hey, do you know the person who woke me up last night at 1 in the morning yelling and being carried through the courtyard?
That was me Mom...
omg last night while walking home from your house I stole a seatless bike and carried it into my next door neighbors kitchen.. we just looked It up online it's an antique and worth $500 dollars
Randomize
