Ambien. No doubt about it.
I've been thinking and really it's a miracle I haven't had an STD yet.
I just gave my whole company pinkeye. How's that for a summer intern's lasting impression? BOOYAHH
My mom just told me to drench my entire body in vodka for 20 minutes. I have never been this russian. no one has ever been this russian
We need to talk about our relationship.
I just won a bet involving 10 tequila shots. You've got about 3 minutes
He used my blackberry to make a voice recording of me orgasming, then set it as my ringtone while I was sleeping. I discovered this during a staff meeting this morning.
its hard to take this fight seriously when one dude is an oompa loompa, and the other is a "g spot"
Can we put your name for the shipping address for penis ice luge?
Apparently I'm the last girl he had sex with. That was over a month ago. If he can go that long without sex then he's clearly not the guy for me
When I took off my jeans he became more excited about my Elmo underwear than sex but to be fair, who can blame him. They're awesome undies.
Three months into our sexual relationship, he comes out with "Your body is efficient". WTF do I do with THAT?
HELP! I GOT DRUNK IN THE LIVING ROOM AND CANT GET UP UPSTAIRS
yeah true but how easily can you rip a scrotum
my favorite part was when you kept waving @ that guy and insisiting it was your cousin..and it wasnt and wondering why he wasnt waving back lol you were legit PISSED
Drunk me made cabbage burritos at 1am after going to hustler hollywood.\nI bought socks. Lol
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