You're not pinnochio. Lying isn't going to make it bigger.
Remind them to make the "above the influence" commercial about us fallin off a ferris wheel
I'm hiding in a cabinet. I'm going to stay here.
I think I ruined his life by managing to get his initiation nickname for his frat to be "Whiskey Dick" but I still wish herpes on him and his fugly new girlfriend.
you know it's a good party when the fucking floor caves in. THE FUCKING FLOOR.
Perhaps if I didn't mortify my parents last night with my drunken obnoxious behavior which resulted in the casualty of an entire decorative bathroom shelf which I completely ripped off the wall and left for dead, I would be more than willing to go day drinking.
she's just been through a whole lot lately. When the crazy starts leaking out we give her vodka and lock her in the room with all the pillows.
so that's what that room is for...
I just offered a cat a "drinky drinky" I'd say my night has started
I know you're aving fun across the room but I can clearly see you getting a handy. It's not as "low key" as she promised. Also, why are you texting while she's doing it?!
I feel like a bottle of fireball rented a bull dozer and ran me over until I was left without a shred of my dignity
She broke up with me after I spent the whole day speaking in nothing but Marshawn Lynch quotes.
Why is "Oprah of drinks" written on my arms?
You said to write it on you, after you kept saying, "You get a drink, you get a drink, everyone gets a drink."
In honor of Super Tuesday, we should have the sex tonight.
you were huddled over the toilet, throwing up, and every few seconds you'd look up and say "this is such a waste of vodka" then put your head back down and start puking again
Nobody cheats on THIS.
Randomize
