I just put anything in between my legs and hope for the best.
She has an incinerator in her basement. Have you ever incinerated used condoms?
Lmao what?
It's a yes or no question.
in the bathroom helping her wash cum out her eye. pretty much explains my sex life
his fiance had made him a calendar of pictures of her. he asked if he should take it down and i said no. i wanted her to watch.
A 12 year old Canadian kid said I was a pussy for only buying a 28-pack. I fit in better in this country.
I woke up to a shot of jager next to my face. I felt bad for it so i drank it
New drinking game: Drink while you Drink. I'll explain the rules when I see you, needless to say, it's not difficult. Unless you enjoy sobriety, humanity and life. Bestest.
because of daylight savings time I lost an hour of sex with an incredibly hot guy last night. thanks a lot farmers.
You know you're doing college wrong when you have to bail your RA out of jail
Cause I know you wanna ride the D like a Vespa in ROMAN HOLIDAY
That awkward moment when the guy you were hitting on at the bar last night is a possible suspect in a murder case.
This friendship isnt goin to work if you dont respond to my drunk texts
I got so drunk last night that I was drunk in my dream. Good night
there must be tiny pirates in the freezer stealing our rum.
Congratulations on giving me my first and second hickeys last night. I made it almost 30 years without one, but who needs class these days?
Randomize
