she's like the human form of herpes, as soon as you think she's gone for good you have another out break.
its good she wears the same dress to all the weddings so we can track how fat she's really gotten
so glad i banged her when she was skinny
So I tried to call my phone from his phone and was like, "hey, my name is not in here..I thought you had my number" turns out he has my number saved as "gives good head"
she asked if i had a condom...i said yes...when we finished it wasnt on...told her it was at home on my dresser.
Went to use to bathroom and walked in on karaoke. Two girls singing "a whole new world" to each other in the shower. I'm gonna miss this place in the summer
I just scratched behind my ear and found icing. Fuck you.
mom just asked if we are going to need more kaluha as she pulls 5 out of the cupboard. this xmas might kill me
I'm hungover as fuck. My vagina hurts. I locked my keys in my car. It's about 93* outside. We're having sex in the pool when I get home
I need a vacation from myself..this is duely noted after I tried giving myself a concussion last night
I'm afraid you are becoming too bourgeois with your switch from boxed wine to bottled.
this one kid was speed-mumbling about putting broccoli in the printer
I'm still drunk. I put on workout clothes this morning and just puked in my bathroom. That's the same as going to the gym, right?
I cannot believe I accepted his penis into my body.
Ever find a porn video so groundbreaking you mentally cancel all your Dick Appointments for the week?
I’m going to have to rewatch all of them. Drugs, man.
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