I'm 3 blocks south of you watching drag queens.
My professor is talking about sperm and all I can think about is my mouth
Aaaaand that would be the most of my hand I've ever fit into a vagina before.
definitely fulfilled the lesbian status quo and fucked her in the back seat of my prius
My feelings are currently in a sea of vodka and "I don't give a shit"
Aren't they always?
I am stoned at Disneyland with my little brother. It's gonna be a good day.
I woke up with your vibrator in my face
I owe you an apology, I was appointed captain of this sexy fuckship and I fell asleep at the helm.
Is a swingers hotel appropriate for an anniversary?
I woke up and finished the bottle like a champ
Its like the floor is slow but life is fast?
I see you found the nyquil...
Just got up.... With the club stamp on my ass.... How did it got there????
Haha do not judge my life style choices right now but me and Dj had sex twice and then he helped me pick an outfit out for my date
Responsible things to do when you're too hungover to get out of bed: Breast self exam.
i could have got laid, but instead, i threw up in her hair. you can cross that off the bucket list.
Randomize
