I think about you every night.
I'm sorry.
my mom asked me how i could steal on a clear conscious and i told her it was because when i was younger she let me watch alladin and he did it.
guess who just got paired up at the beer pong table with the fat girl who's nipples are hanging out...
oh fat girl friday strikes again...
"Does your mom know how big your cock is?" Worst dirty talk I've ever had.
Sorry I need more motivation then McDonalds and mojitos.
I guess, all I remember was giving you road head the whole way there so you wouldn't fall asleep.
U thinks that's bad? He told me that he had to envision high school wrestling in order to bust a nut with some girl
No. I either had a 6 minute orgasm or I had so many I lost count. I'm still not sure.
She said she forgot something.. and when she came out she was carrying a garden gnome, and a bottle of vodka. she was too hot to question it.
forgot to tell you your neighbor walked out of her house this morning just as I was leaving shirtless
I saw seagulls fucking earlier today. What have you done with your life recently?
Did I, at any point last night, say I was dying?
You spent an hour sitting naked in your neighbor's Jeep Wrangler yelling in a terrible British accent about how you were "on a safari". Then you passed out on your lawn.
And he put his penis in my face and I back handed it away.
Randomize