i know we just met, but i forget your name, and i'm wondering why my penis burns?
omg, he ripped it...he ripped my vagina...best. night. ever.
The vibrator you gave me is probably the one thing I will never give up if we got robbed at gunpoint
My mom just found some of our lube mixed in with my box of pots and pans. I hate moving home.
I am dripping wet and slathered in glitter and banana mush. I love gay guys.
just got invited to smoke a bowl by a guy who has a prostetic leg and has been on the jerry springer show multiple times. I love my life right now
I got kicked out of the bar but no one cared, I dont have any money so i stayed outside with the bouncer for an hour and he got so sick of me he let me back in on the condition that i cant leave my seat. VISIT ME
I'm laying in bed with a case of beer,.. That's how this break up is going..
Stand up sex. Extremely, extremely difficult. I now know how pointe dancers feel.
The sound of my own breathing is making my head throb. That hungover.
I'm hurting so bad I actially had to wait for my mini wheats to get soggy before I could eat them..
Dude, did you fall in a toilet on the way over here?
Was face down in one actually. Bars 2, Drew 0.
I slapped him but he didn't wake up. He just nuzzled my head, hugged me closer, and smiled.
its weird getting into a political debate with a pony dressed as an anime character online
Damn that brownie almost kicked my ass. I'm not sure if my flight home lasted 10 minutes or 10 days..
Randomize
