You realize if you die tommorow, the last memory i'll ever have of you is your ballsack on skype
I think a girl in front of me glued an ugg tag to a weird pair of boots.
dude. FULL moustache. it was like getting head from Tom Selleck
YOU CAN RENT MIDGETS ON CRAIGS LIST
I told you not to ruin your birthday surprise!
Word to the wise: do not smoke before going grocery shopping with only 12 bucks. So stressful.
Thinking about fake proposing to my gf just so the middle aged women next to us will buy us drinks
They wouldn't let me hang out the sun roof and sing apple bottom jeans in the drive thru of hardee's i think i no longer like these ppl
Can I just have sex with him and then never talk to him? I need him to be the Mr. Miyagi of my sex life.
I mayyyyy have moaned a name that wasn't his
conclusion from last night: i should wear boob glitter more often
i just ran butt naked down the hall and someone highfived me. i love college.
He wanted to save my dignity, I just wanted beads and jäger
I’m ready to be reckless and make stupid decisions, and I need you to support me in that.
Never again will I go to my mom's side of the family's parties. After the bride and groom cut the head off the roasted pig together they boarded their RV and rode off into the sunset.
His sisters are going to have a heyday finding all those condoms in their bunk beds.
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