pick me up and take me to a bathroom i have to shit
no
the bathroom is right infront of the beerpong table
im sorry you werent invited but you live 2 blocks away PLEASE
My mom gets in bar fights. She doesn't go to bed early.
Do you ever think that bumblebee is the gay transformer?
Every day of my life.
It's official. I'm a squirter. Wasn't a one time thing.
Let's make jello shots for tomorrow
What's going on tomorrow?
Nothing, it's Wednesday
The night was doomed the minute I started taking shots with an apple as a chaser.
i have a strong feeling i fucked one of the waiters here...
Vegas is awesome. Its like you have a kentucky accent girls automatically assume you don't have herpes.
i think i am going to devote my summer to making my cats internet celebrities
My boyfriend just sent me flowers. I am now crying at the fact i fucked my fat neighbor. God please help me.
It's only been a week and i've already broken my no summer randoms rule twice.
So I found "Fat chicks in saran wrap" in my search history.
That's all you talk about when you are wasted.
Don't be alarmed at the kitchen mess. I had to shoot the fire extinguisher on the toaster oven, one quick blast. It was a matter of safe over sorry.
I just had to pick up my "let's drink and make bad choices" hat, my banana suit and beer pong table from work. Until just then I couldn't figure out why I got fired.
I just want to say that I've always loved you and you are my best friend ever
You gave that creepy guy my number, didn't you? You really need to learn how to just say no, not interested.
Randomize
