the only thing i have to deal with now is the fact that i'm still wearing spandex shorts from last night
His pubic hair was longer than his dick
Fucking Canada. At least when they wake up tomorrow they're still in Canada
I'm considering failing out of my last semester of college just so I can keep fucking him.
I like the odds of his and my children being professional athletes too. To support me in my old age, see I do think about the future.
Yeahhh, everybody is so helpful when a pretty girl is crying hysterically and has only one shoe and a six pack.
Why the fuck is he under my phone as Papi Chulo?
so...the lady doing my pedi totally noticed the human bite marks on my calf. Who says marriage ends your sex life? Love u!
I just ironed my gstring.. this is please fuck my brains out on a whole new level.
Watching Rudolph while stoned is practically a religious experience.
I'm assuming you were here at some stage because I woke up alone, clean and in a towel with mum asking my why my shoes, dress and jewellery were in the bottom of the shower.
i literally have the attention span of a weasel on steroids, but yeah, i know who you’re talking about.
Nothing like an afternoon walk of shame across campus on parent's weekend. Damn.
Oh! I forgot to tell you. Part of that weird ass dream last night. I was jamie lee curtis and I cut off all my hair because yogurt.
why yes, bad decisions will be made starting at 3PM Thurs through 8PM on Sun. You have been warned. Plan accordingly.
Randomize
