I bought a nasal spray, my nose needs to be in order by the weekend
Real housewives of new joisy starts MONDAY. Skype session after? Virtual slap the bag?
I went from a chick that didn't like to have sex to one that can't get enough of it. I can't believe I'm going to say this but at 27 I think I need a happy medium
You bring the bicep workout. I'll bring the unscented gentle products. We'll both bring our penises.
it's like heaven, but drunker
Snuck into a camper in someone's yard. Hotboxing. Can't wait until they go in it.
Long story short, the rash from your last birthday party told me not to go to this one.
Thanks for gettin' me home, killa. Have no IDEA how I woke up pants-less on the bathroom floor at 4a.m. You're like a big, angry guardian angel.
I have acquired 14 pictures of hard dicks tonight... I was on a mission. Don't even pretend you aren't proud.
True. On an unrelated note I helped post bail for both of our ex girlfriends last night. Russian roulette: guess which one is pregnant?
Next time I feel awkward in a situation I'm going to just yell "free bird!!!!" Like some redneck at lynyrd skynyrd show
you can only text me tonight if its in drake lyrics. thats the rule
I have a bottle of vodka wrapped in a leg warmer in my purse. This is what it takes to get through Christmas with my family.
It makes me feel all patriotic & free... And borderline diabetic.
He was so drunk last night. He woke up out of a dead sleep at 330am, walked over to the dresser, opened his middle drawer and proceeded to pee. When I woke up and asked him Wtf he was doing, he told me it was fake pee and blamed it on the cat...we don't have a cat
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