So my roomate was sunbathing this morning on the porch with a sock covering his penis
Sounds like a really classy character....
He is classy. It was argyle.
I woke up to 30 angry texts and her Chihuahua in my room. Can you drop him off for me?
I just looked at the maps icon on my IPhone and "eR" was typed in the search address bar. I wonder if we ever got there.
I was asking the bouncer, "if I fall will you catch me?" which then turned into "if I jump off the roof will you catch me?" He said no.
Oh, and trying to figure out who wants to do Molly in a frat is like asking damn children if they want puppies and candy. So just bring as much as possible.
Wheres my essay?
You mean the vodka drenched shreds of paper taped all over the walls of the hallway?
Romantically speaking, I want to sit on his face.
Happy Birhtday!
Dad, it's 3am and it's not my birthday... wherever you are, go home
Please tell me you're not playing strip poker with your cousins again
I just woke up on my neighbors floor with my boots on, but no pants. I have 3 separate taco bell receipts in my pocket.
Hold on, I'm taking nudes in a blanket fort right now
i like him enough to wash my sheets.. but not enough to finally get that pink lemonade and vodka slushy stain out of my carpet
Nothing like ripping open the box with your keys on a sat R train and throwing back the morning after pill with some coconut water on my way to work at a fitness studio for free
Stop thinking about me and go on your date... at least I got the glitter off your face first.
There’s an entire generation of people out there who didn’t grow up watching Mr. Rogers and it shows. These Boomers need to get their shit together.
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