i just had a dream that i could control how black Will Smith was with a remote.i need to stop sleeping with the TV on
just next time i won't let coke make me think I'm superman and drink a shit ton.
Some dude at the gas station right now is buying a 30 rack of beast and a can of cat food. Happy Thanksgiving.
Well he's not exactly single.. It's like an open relationship his wife doesn't know about
Some guy just stopped me in the bar and asked if I had a shot named after me at another bar called God damn my VaJana hurts? He already knew my name was Jana so I couldn't deny it!
I left puerto rico a week ago and my vagina still smells like coconut.
Just abandoned him for a bowl of soup and the living room floor...hope the window replacement guys don't get a show..I miss you!
My new best friend is the drag queen who works at mcdonalds and doesnt judge me during my walk of shame coffee break
I wasn't that drunk, I know my limits. When peeing became difficult I stopped taking shots.
I'VE CAME 4 TIMES TODAY. I AM AS DRY AS THE SAHARA, STOP YOUR WHINING.
I walked by the two of them and mouthed "fuck me" based on there reaction I think they just came in their pants
Suspicion confirmed. my mom has her nipples pierced
Way to crack the case Nancy Drew
So is that the only criterion for shenanigans now? Don't die?
He sent me a blank text message. That's a booty call waiting to happen
I have really important information for you regarding the furry convention this weekend
Randomize
