I just pynch a tree in the face
I just walked in on my mom and dad......It wasn't my dad
I just had to have my mom look at my penis to figure out what it was. How do you think my day is going?
i bet even starving children in Africa take the crust off their poptarts
My new sobriety test is "how many times do I have to attempt to put toothpaste on my brush"... It takes a while.
sorry i walked in and ruined it, but i had to laugh she looked like a pile of bologna the way you had her pinned up on the wall
Just wondering why in an apartment full of stoners there is half a waffle in the TRASH CAN. get ur shit together man
Just joined the godiva rewards club. Who's the fat friend now.
After he came he asked what I was doing for thanksgiving.
A man in denim coveralls just shotgunned a beer on the dance floor
I miss yesterday.Today's hangover makes yesterday's look like a little girl with blonde ringlets playing hopscotch in the street with a ginger kitten.
Just had my first american. He tasted like freedom.
I only know one person in my class and that's my dealer.
I was eating pickles straight from a jar, contemplating doing something productive. What did I miss?
We lost you in the bar so we waited outside for you...next thing you know you kick open the doors and yell "I'M ALIVE"
Randomize
