someone owes me an orgasm
So... I just got back from the chiropractor... And he said I have a slight neck injury from head banging too much. Fuck yes.
His fridge was full of blocks of pepperjack cheese, and his pantry was stocked with huge jars of jellybeans. Even if I'd been drunk, I don't think I could've made that up.
We need to reprogram your vagina to say "no"
Sounds good. Stay safe. I'm kind of drunk in a Food 4 Less right now and I'm having the time of my life.
You're getting spoiled, you better send me at least a side boob pic if you wanna see my dick dressed up as Davie Crockett.
I taped a pair of scissors and a coupon for a waxing on the door. He gets to choose.
There was another blizzard last night and at one point I was drinking 3 beers at once. Driving home didn't seem like a wise option
My favorite part was screaming to all my life by kc and jojo and just horribly failing
I just watched this dude try to convince this girl to go home with him. She was like, That's cute, you're cute.and she just walked away. Man I'm so not drunk enough to be around this level of sad.
Well I'm glad your Saturday night went a lot better than mine. I spent mine crying in a McDonald's parking lot.
So she was on top of my phone and somehow called my roommate while I banged her. I picked up and he congratulated me. I was with his sister. I will take this to my grave.
No I don't. You owe me sex and cinnamon rolls.
I know you would. And one day, we'll have a moment where i'll verbally assault a stranger for you.
I promise it wsnt a penis when i put it in my mouth
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