I don't think ill make it tonight the floor wont let me walk
Guys are so much hotter at OU. Come my mating season, I am flying south like the geese in the wintertime.
i hate that you can chart my weight gain through my facebook pictures.
Care to explain to me why theres a baby food jar filled with semen in my fridge? or why its labeled as unicorn sweat?
Hey man, did I leave the bottom drawer to my refrigerator that I had beer in at your house by any chance?
I know the scar will be in an obvious place, that's why I'm certain it'll score me cancer blowjobs
Well, let me tell you, it was the most vivid sex dream I've ever had. More so than the Paris Hilton one I had in 05. And about as weird.
Stand up sex. Extremely, extremely difficult. I now know how pointe dancers feel.
If me getting shot doesn't get me pussy I am officially gay
He autographed my vag. This fuck just got authentic.
speaking of festive, i made out with a guy in a leaf pile last night. happy fall?
I didn't know where you were for like 15 minutes and then I went in the bathroom splashing water on the mirror and throwing hand towels around saying that you were "redecorating"
The awkward moment your booty call shows up to the Mexican restaurant and realizes you just picked burritos over pussy
I'm on someone's yacht. I don't know who. But I'm on it. There's a guy passed out in a kilt holding bagpipes. Help.
Congrats, you are the first person our bartender ever met that actually needed wheeled out of a bar in a wheelchair. He said you were his hero.
Randomize
