Contrary to popular belief alot of woman do actually enjoy sucking cock.
so when I got there he was dressed as jesus in a recliner drinking whiskey out of the bottle watching spanish porn. Then kept shouting dont judge me or ill judge you. we didn't even go to a halloween party.
Theyr drawing diagrams to try to explain to me how high they are
He told me his condom was going to expire tomorrow and he needed to use it. I can't believe I fell for it.
You go to school with some of the ugliest girls I've ever seen... How are you not getting laid?
champagne bombs. Yes, i think that is where things may have gotten out of control.
swear to god, just saw some chick dressed in a full chicken costume buying eggs and telling the cashier that she "just wants her babies back."
buy whatever she's on. a lot of it.
my boss told me he would look for my wallet when he went back to the strip club tonight.
i'm way too high for it to be safe that i just discovered i have a fire extinguisher
okay i am so sorry that i pulled a knife on you last night but seriously that woman knows how to throw a party.
I have chafed skin from the handy she gave me. I told her that and she said return the favor when it heals. I'm in love.
Too bad, iambic pentameter is a drunk specialty of mine.
Almost ran out to the street bowl in hand when I hear the ice cream truck pull up outside.
Everything about that text makes me proud to be your sister.
I threw up soo much that I started crying. Then his grandma randomly came in and started rubbing my back...
Dude it's unhealthy how much I love vagina in my face
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