cant believe you said you would bone perez hilton
i said paris hilton
thats even worse
You'd think after all these years of evolution that it would be longer than a golf pencil.
Silently passing ghastly beer farts as I move around the bridal department at Tiffany's. Call it my contribution to the holiday spirit.
Eating hibachi. The chef is squirting sake into my mouth with a ketchup bottle. Happened twice, more to come.
Watching a deaf couple have an argument in the mall. Can't bring myself to look away.
just 'accidentally' changed my relationship status to 'in an open relationship' just to see what offers I might get if I were to dump him. it's not looking good
We were in the shower and he sat down an wouldn't do anything. I'm so glad he manscapes. It made washing his balls less awkward.
I would say I'm the man in the relationship but I'm cuddled on the couch eating cake mix and water.
It's 4/20 of course I'm going to smoke in the portapotty and be ripped outta my mind at the lung cancer walk.
I spent last night dying strippers pubes green and landscaping shamrocks. That is why hands look like I squashed a leprechaun.
I woke up in some kids room and he introduced me to his friends at breakfast as "Monica" so I just went with it.
He came back with a Butterfinger and vibrator batteries. There's no refusing him now.
The first thing I did when I got to the apartment was masturbate on the couch
The two of us went back to your place, had sex, peed in cups, then i went home. Literally all i know
Sorry. I was preoccupied thinking about penises
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