I don't have the money to get a cast so we made one from stuff at the craft store.
im shaking like a drug addict and i almost just shat my pants when i sneezed...no more patron for me
you thought you were invisible so you started narrating your actions.
this mix will be the most desperate cry for affection in the history of itunes.
First date: that requires underwear, huh?
Home safe. Psyche shattered. Still rolling. In love with the morrocan rug in the living room.
The moral of the story is do not hire me because everything will end up smelling like pickles and I will not sufficiently clean it up.
before we left she put a post-it on the floor next to the toilet saying she was a pretty pretty princess
You got the whole drunk bus to sing, "In The Jungle" while conducting with your glowsticks.
I'm semi drunk. I just bought you penis moisturizer. Not kidding. Keep an eye out for the package. Merry Christmas.
Dude I'm driving around California right now hiding little bags of weed in random places like Easter eggs so that I can come back and find them later
Plus i lost a button on my shirt and we got free drinks all night. Sorry I'm not sorry.
i'm eating pizza lunchables and telling my boyfriend he can do better than me because i am a functional adult
Seriously. Are we going out tonight? If we're not, I'm going to put on sweatpants and do drugs.
I don't even remember what dignity looks like anymore. I JUST WANTED TO ROAST SOME POTATOES
Randomize
