Will you blow on my dice?
had no condoms so I just made do with an empty doritos bag.
Todays lesson: Chew your food better when your drunk. I almost choked throwing up this morning.
If it wasn't obvious enough to the cops that she was drunk, she threw in, "I like the colors of the lights because it makes purple."
how did the keg end up in the top bunk?
As long as he sees me topless I don't care. Redemption. REEEDDDEMMMPPPTTIIIOOONNNNN
the parade is in 5 days. put your big boy pants on and come to beer training. time to build your tolerance. i can't have you passing out in a bush with a cape on again this year.
Dude it's huge. I don't usually like looking at those things, but you're kind of forced to stare that horse in the face.
My boyfriend's brother just got out of jail and he is already telling us to steal cable. Dude.
I woke up in some kids room and he introduced me to his friends at breakfast as "Monica" so I just went with it.
Serious question: is he hot or is my vagina just that barren?
So my ex just asked for my address to send me his wedding invitation... in Europe. Awesome.
That’s basically a green light to fuck his dad
you kept shouting 'jesus penis' when i was on the phone with 911
I got so drunk last night that I was drunk in my dream. Good night
If you left your bike out in front, I just watched some dude steal it.
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