A hot woman with candy. This is what heaven is filled with
Old men and throwing up are my life now.
Sorry 4 leaving u in the dumpster last night
I just had a flash of memory of me asking all of the girls if they were on their periods. If they said yes I said it made us moon sisters.
he asked me to "shake his dick" when he introduced himself, playing naked football with you in our living room. $100 says you two get married one day.
Because of him my new motto is "Keep calm and fuck a guy with a beard". Yes, I am serious.
WAIT DID YOU MAIL ME A KITTEN
Sit down my child. It's time you were told of my famous loss-of-virginity story entitled, "The Penis that Never Could."
Do you think there are two dudes living in an apartment somewhere that go to the store and call it Brocery shopping?
Oh god...probably.
I feel like I hate him but his dick too bomb to hate completely
Is banging someone in the national guard considered a state service or a national one?
You left your hot dogs in my dresser again
YOU ARE STRONGER THAN YOUR VAGINA
Update on my sex life: my calves are sore from masturbating too much. It's a thing. Look it up.
for future reference, singing eye of the tiger outside my door while i am having sex makes me incredibly uncomfortable
apparently not uncomfortable enough for you to stop
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