We shared that special kind of eye contact that can only be experienced when you know one party is saying "Oh god, I fucked him in the back seat when you were in the front, didn't I."
just got dressed up for chatroulette- THAT desperate.
I need a $60 an hour job, because I have a $50 an hour drinking habit.
She just said she wanted to get freaky and left the room. I'm almost certain I just heard the microwave.
It's tuesday, which means cocktails followed by cocktales.
Wingman of the year award. I made out with her gay roommate in order for you to get laid. Better have been good.
The gay roommate was probably better than her. Consider yourself lucky.
Why do I always miss the parties you're naked at?!
I get naked cuz your not there
I'm pretty sure I just need an IV drip of Plan B at this point...
I taught her to play Monopoly. She sold me her bra to keep from going bankrupt.
You're like Jane Goodall in a forest of gay men. Someday your autobiography will be called "Bottoms in the Mist".
Showed up 15 minutes late and curtsied when I entered the door if that puts perspective to how my first day is going
I just saw a kid on iowa campus story that looked like the guy i made out with on spring break.
Who says no to sex and donuts?!
I shouldn't have watched rise of the planet of the apes and then gotten high. I'm now convinced that the cats are out to get me.
I just put condoms in a mason jar because it looked prettier than the box.I think I've peaked.
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