She had been watching Bad Girls Club where the annoying girl always says "I RUN L.A.". After she got wasted she kept going up to strangers at the bar yelling "I RUN FAYETTEVILLE." I peed in her drink.
By the way, she says hi. At least I think she did since she licked my phone
Congrats to the girl that left her positive preggo test in the bathroom...
I don't drink during the week.... well, except for Bailey's Tuesdays, which I have to start implementing further.
Well besides you comparing him to your dead cat, I'd say it was fine.
I can feel my moral fiber fraying.
I'm sorry for biting your husband's ass last night.
They switched jackets and you didn't notice. You made out with both of them and had no idea
In case you were wondering, yes I did just watch the Katy Perry movie alone on a Saturday night. I'm so alone it makes a noise.
Running my fingers through my hair was like that scene in Patch Adams where the old lady got to swim in a pool of pasta. I love Molly.
Here’s how sick I am. I’m not hungry. I don’t want coffee. And I don’t want dick. So, you know it’s bad.
Do you ever go take a shit and end up sitting on the toilet for like 45 minutes wondering what the fuck you're doing with your life?
Everyday my friend, everyday.
No just a list of 20 of my favorite things
Where are penises on the list
Where am I on the list
Under penises
Fucking a younger guy is now a game of odds. The chance that he gives me corona virus is outweighed by the evening of orgasms I know he’ll give me.
My Dachshund waddled into the room carrying a rolled-up pad in her mouth with period blood. This day is clearly off to a good start.
Randomize
