Just realized the hot girl at the office got a boob job over the Holiday.....she is now super-hot girl.
It is 8 o'clock in the morning and there is already blood all over one of the stalls in the bathroom. What has your St. Patrick's day done for you?
Just saw a drunk guy marching down the strip with a garden rake. I feel compelled to follw him
His fingers had 12 years of piano lessons behind them. my ex has been put to shame by a finger
She was giving me a handjob while I was wearing a sombrero with a beer in one hand and a hammer in the other.
I'm basically just sitting in the porta poTty finishing my bottle of champagne bc I am too lazy to carry it back to the tailgate
The venue for the new years party is close to the hospital for obvious reasons.
If this party got busted it would be an improvement
sometimes it's just necessary to be your own gyno when you're too afraid to tell your mom about your real life
ANNA HAS DISCOVERED EROTIC FANFICTION OF SHARKNADO THIS IS NOT A DRILL
We just got busted fucking in the hammock by his roommate...I'm so out of here as soon as hes asleep....
I just realized how terrible that was... I was drumming on your penis to a song about Baby Jesus.
what the fuck is wrong with you
Do you want me to go chronologically or alphabetically?
Did u guys seriously make a betting pool on when im going to get pregnant???
Yep, wanna bid?
I got paid to fuck my boss for lunch. My job is better than yours.
Randomize
