It's just you. You wear the fuck me fedora and wear baller shorts, hollywood hippie who thinks she is shakira when she's drunk.
so i texed my mom when i was trashed last night and said "i know its 3 am, just go to bed and i'll be back by the time we leave for the airport"
shes the kind of girl i dont like to talk to unless my penis is in her mouth.
totally got the gold medal for the best fence jump when the cops came.
I just saw a man salute the budweiser truck on the highway. I want to follow him and shake his hand.
We smoked a joint and talked about his parent's divorce. It was like being fifteen all over again.
its family weekend so i'm givin my little bro a tour of everywhere ive thrown up on campus
I'm two guys short from fucking the whole baseball team and one is gay. I will be successful by the end of this month.
Lmfao I'm not trying to have a pissing contest over acid with my mom.....
Because I'm a hot mess throwing up in the litter box
He called his dick the "gentle giant"
It tasted better than Jesus's hair.
Yeah I passed out. The last thing I remember is the lady telling me I couldn't play the clarinet with my nose.
While finding our clothes afterwards he says..."So do we like have to talk after this?"
No offense, but I don’t think I would want to see him in anything skimpier than a hazmat suit.
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