Was it a mistake telling him I couldn't get the abortion until I was 2 months along on the first date?
then she woke up from sleeping for an hour and the first thing she said was "i regret it already"
just used a blowie as payment for him having to take the dog out to let her poop.
no today was horrible, i woke up and somebody slit my car tire and left an apology letter in my wiper that said "sorry wrong house"
He told me I couldn't drink an unopened bottle of water he had in his room because that was his emergency bong water
She had a maple leaf tattoo behind her ear and told me she liked my "playoff beard".
Only in Canada would your laziness be applied to hockey and rewarded.
I wasn't sure if "you're even prettier in the dark" was a compliment. Hmm.
I dont know, my roommate got arrested but I'm gunna get some tacos no matter what
JUST MADE A FLAMING SLED. MIGHT HAVE 3RD DEGREE BURNS.
have to get expensive furniture. after that study abroad now at least six things at ikea are named after guys i slept with
On a scale from 1 to the worst weekend of my life, that was an 11. I can see again, though.
I just woke up to a ten minute voicemail of you sobbing about the X-Men. Stop getting drunk and watching Marvel movies.
BUT WOLVERINE IS SO TORMENTED AND JUST WANTS TO BE LOVED
Homophobes nationwide are huddled in their bunkers tonight and I can't stop giggling. Could be the wine.
I rewarded myself with Taco Bell tonight for going a full week without punching my roommates in the face or wishing bodily harm on them.
Oh man I missed being single! Two different guys just sent me dick pics during my kid’s little league game.
Randomize
