3am cut off hipster s***'s afro on porch. Opened champagne. Felt like delilah cutting off samson's hair. Then shower & anal. So I guess his powers are intact.
Baconater + red wine = first meal of the day
If i off myself, it'll be in a lobster costume in the hot tub with butter...
i need a new camera phone. my pictures from last night are as blurry as my memories. and neither tell me why i woke up in an airplane hangar.
Why am I a bad person? You were the one trying to get people to eat tape.
right before he passed out he said "take care of your tender spirit"
Dude I reek of $2.50 pitchers, $1 off/pack marlboro cigs, and fear.
Fear?
FEAR.
You're a disgrace to the female race and the love triangle and halloween.
Just high enough for therapy.
she's like a sexy human version of my cat. i can't catch her, and she keeps throwing up in the corners.
I don't know if I'm feeling really nervous right now or just extremely horny.
I just accidentally showed an old lady a pic of my penis while showing her cat pics. So how's your day going?
you can't let guys come on your chest and then hog my blanket
I think I just figured out how to make weed tea in the coffeemaker.
I'm to the point where I just want to get back at him in a hot man sex tornado way.
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