Weirdest conversation with my dad. He just told me he didn't shave his pubes.
But when he came on my stomach I noticed how tan I was!
Passed out in a rocking chair on her porch. Woke up to the tow truck taking away my car.
Tell him I thought his Superman stand on your bed and cum all over your back was quite funny
YOU STOLE THE WEDDING CAKE?!?!
Only one tier
Tastes like cardboard anyway
My mom got me high and then dropped me off at a church.
I've abandoned trying to find a logical explanation of your life.
I've counted four places at work I need to get laid in. Come help me accomplish this.
Hey, I'm your guy
His name is Dustib. Not a typo. I just can't.
I woke up to a quacking alarm clock and a rando in my bed. I told him I liked his cargo shorts. Fireball is not my soulmate anymore.
I'm glad you had fun with your genitals.
2 weeks into this dating someone with money thing and I already don't know if I can go back to the being poor life
Have you ever woken up and said a thank you prayer to the beer gods for allowing you to wake up in the morning and still have the ability to walk and talk? Because we should.
I was giving him head and he slipped one of those hats with propellors on top on my head.
Somebody put William Shatner singing Bohemian Rhapsody on the jukebox, and the whole bar is about to riot.
I think the cats may be lesbians. It could just be a two hour mutual bath but it sure looks like a 69.
Randomize
