If the pens lose tonight I'm gonna drive to Detroit and burn 8 mile to the ground.
Actually I may do that regardless. Probably get my own holiday.
there's sperm and chicken noodle soup everywhere
The to do list extremely baked self wrote for me last night says "1. Join gym 2. Passport? 3. Join a gym" And then just a drawing of a squid
She just laid there, sucking on a piece of steak, with the most content look on her face. Just before she passed out (steak still on her mouth) she said the cat box needed to be emptied
And on that day, Satan said; "Let there be the friend zone and let us get fucking high." while Jesus silently cried in the background.
OMGGG I JUST SAW A REAL OWL JUST CHILLING ON TOP OF A SIGN POST. I WALKED UP TO HIM AND SAID HOO HOOOOO AND HE TURNED HIS HEAD AT ME AND WAS LIKE YEAHHH BRO
I won't apologize to a one balled man
We boned on a bench in a park, french people were walking by cheering us on. Totally acceptable
Be proud. You give fat lesbians everywhere shower-nozzle worthy material for weeks on end.
Showed up to family party blacked out and in a turkey costume. I'd say thanksgiving was a success.
who knew my inner goddess was such a whore
I have 3 bottles of vodka in my room telling me not to go to work tomorrow.
Two grav bong hits and a shower later and I'm ready for company
It's like you say things that speak to my soul on a deep personal level
Did you just correct my spelling of a made up word?
No, I just was using your word in plural form
test was negative. but nancy drew has yet to solve the case of the missing period.
Randomize