Apparently i was the first person to introduce her to her clitoris. Needless to say...they hit it off great
god is playing jersey shore on new years on purpose. he wants me to play drinking games and die. i wish he knew how serious this is.
Their flight hasn't even left yet and the 'buy food to keep yourself alive' budget is gone on tequila.
well as my mentor always said, "Don't antagonize the man whose penis gives you multiple orgasms."
Just had a stripper snatch my glasses off my face with her ass
Some guy stole lobsters by hiding them in his pants. We should strive to be like him.
did mom hear me barking???
oooooh yeah. good luck explaining that one
sooo high. sooo many dog friends
we're meeting twins and drinking tequila. i love life
It was like inception, a dream, in a dream, in the back of a dodge charger.
HIS NAME IN MY PHONE IS JOSHUA DREAMCHASER I CAN NOT
NO SHAME NOVEMBER
Aaaaand my mom is wearing jeggings...
If you saw or spoke to me yesterday can you message me. Trying to make a timeline of the day I was too drunk to remember
Mmm. Champagne. Weed. 17 pounds of animal crackers.
It's three am. I'm drunk in a stairwell in Vegas. My flight leaves at six. Help.
Because, after all, nothing quite says life in 2020 than doing laundry at 9:40 on a Friday morning to make sure you have masks and underwear.
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