I cant take that shot because i want my penis to stay hard.
Flirting with the rich sleazy owner of the club: 1 way ticket to free sushi, drinks, and VIP passes. FUck! im better with older men than i am with babies and dogs
Only now do I see "not intended for use on skin" warning. Wonderful. But hey, my dick smells like magic marker.
Remember how we wr so drunk last nite we cldnt find whr i shot my load? ...found some of it.
You thought that the "chillable" logo on the box wine was referring to a city in italy.
Just got my econometrics book in the mail and started flipping through it. Our Thursday parties may turn into u convincing me not to kill myself.
Katy Perry is on a Proactiv commercial. That "I kissed a girl" shit is so much less hot now.
I wore my underwear in the shower just in case i passed out and you had to come in and get me
Wife passed out. Doing shots with the hot bartender... Don't tell me I don't know how to celebrate a 1yr anniversary
Jacob lost his virginity in a threesome. I am deffs fucking this kid.
DURING A THUNDERSTORM ON HIS BIRTHDAY.
The only reason I can fathom that you've been able to continue to date new people this long is that women continue to become of age each year, and the younger ones don't know any better.
I don't know if you've ever seen a group of 20 year olds reenact a rectal prolapse, but 'majestic' isn't really the word I'd use...
He watches the nature channel every time I am here. It's like a manipulation technique because baby zebras will get me every time.
I'm drunk listening and crying to Selena. How's your Monday?
So adding to the list of things my boobs can do, sweeping with a broom is apparently a thing.
Randomize
