im surounded by vag. Like smog aound LA, i am suffocating in an atmosphere of pussy
ugh.. my birth control just came out of my nose. wtf?
i think guys who wear condoms are gentleman.
the ex, the guy i cheated on the ex with and the rebound are about to form a beer pong team at my party. is it bad i feel accomplished my pussy brought their union together?
We're making herpes jokes very loudly and hoping she notices.
Was it high me or sober me who put those Jolly Rancher sticks in the freezer? I'd be soooo impressed if it was high me.
True. On an unrelated note I helped post bail for both of our ex girlfriends last night. Russian roulette: guess which one is pregnant?
I never thought I would have to get vodka suctioned out of my ear
I was just asked if I wanted to struggle snuggle. She's a keeper
Dude random question. Where you with me when the vulture got electrocuted from the power lines and fell on the sidewalk in front of us?
If I could sit on this toilet forever I would totally do that right now
Times have changed. Freshman year I could throw my shirt in a bonfire and still get laid. Now when I puke in my girlfriend's bed on her birthday I'm "an asshole"
You seriously knocked all the beer off the table, broke the beer pong table, broke the bar and kept yelling "you have to warn me first!" all because I wouldn't let you have another four loco
It's a family event: you have to drink. No way around it. Its the law.
He’s basically a sexual superhero. A mild mannered marketing intern by day, but a very horny 22 year old with pornstar stamina at nights!
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