I can't get in trouble, i'm smoking a bong in the office right now
Why is half of me covered in green stuff that won't come off?
You stripper-danced on a light pole in the quad. It had fresh paint on it.
Sometimes when I whip my dick out it looks REAL impressive. This, was NOT one of those times.
please stop taking shits in my toilet and leaving them there.
my dad just secretly slid me a nugg in front of my mom. remind me why I moved away for college??
I just Organized my jello shots by their colors in my mini fridge for the rest of the week. I'm going places in life.
i should do something illegal before my birthday. as of thursday im old enough to go to jail.
I been sleeping but occasionally wake up feeling like tiny elves are in my throat ripping my esophagus to shreds with their bare hands.
Somehow, you made that sound extremely magical and not at all painful.
which one of you assholes put my new jeans down the garbage disposal?!
I'd apply for another job, but "staring out windows crying" is not a hot qualification right now.
I wish my bank account would intervene on my life choices.. $200+ in alcohol in 2 weeks and a $40 McDonald's bill is a cry for help.
I have commenced my lesbian college experimentation. Wish me luck
Hey you're my best friend, I'm sorry I picked my vagina over my heart last night.
we live vicariously through your huge boobs
Either im seeing the northern lightgs, someone is having a rave, or im on acid.. Im most likely on acid
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