so the situation is a+b=c where "a" is how much you weight, "b" is my gravitational pull, and "c" is how erect your penis is.
So Ive decided I have serious issues. Im walking around the school with a bag labeled booze money collecting from people while slightly hungover at 8:20 in the morning, and nobody is questioning me.
just saw way to many penises for it being 5 o'clock on a thursday
is cock-oriented a word? I'd say I'm that lately.
what part of what i said meant "bring a bowl"
"bouncy castle"
I mean nobody wants to admit they ate 9 cans of ravioli but i did and i am not ashamed of myself
Yes and yes. Got taken to a Florida strip club. I desperately want to flood my eyes and ears with hand sanitizer right now.
I think they took out their livers years ago and replaced them with like cheese graters or something. Only explanation.
No, you made a silk sheet toga and held up a dildo calling yourself "The Statue of Puberty". People made pilgrimages from the other party down the block to see you.
Just remembered when I first started going down on him he goes "ok now I feel a little better about the broncos losing"
Last night was a whirlwind of vodka - induced emotion
And to be fair, I think we all suspect that forbidden sex with an outlaw biker might be worth it.
Let's ride this possibly pregnant train together
He spent ten minutes post bj, limp cock still out, in shock repeating 'best blow job ever'. So yes, yelling I am the penis queen out the car window was justified.
He picked me up in Smart Car with the license plate “MYWHIP.” I think my ovaries shriveled up and died.
Randomize
