we just stared at taco bell's menu on the website for 2 hours
she was so "full of love" from watching twilight that she came over and gave me a handjob. when does the next movie come out?
As we walked into his room, he said welcome to the hurt locker. I should have left, but I love that movie.
my host sister just stared at me as i knocked over the lamp, then took out all my chocolate, walked into the bathroom, and locked the door. i'm officially the worst exchange student ever.
His concept of male bonding is doing lines in adjacent stalls.
And I swear to god I'll divorce you if you so much as say a single sentence in Yoda talk in our bedroom. I may be a nerd but that's just fucking creepy
Witnessing a crazy lady on the bus screaming about how romney is one of the four horsemen of the apocalypse.
Goodbye spring break, hello depressing video on AIDS.
somebody should make me the poster child for not drinking everclear..
That edible kicked in right as I was upside-down on that rollercoaster. Fucking.mind.blown.
I'm on the couch watching HGTV googling giant boob Halloween costumes so life is swell
All she has to do is text me and my dick gets hard. She asked how my day was going and it got hard.
Last night you dunked donut holes in spinach dip, ate it, threw up, and continued eating. I cant keep up with your drunk eating skills.
I was wondering where the donuts went.
So you're saying that I ended up challenging a dude to Uno then proceed to punch them in the face?
FINE I guess I'll just drink regular coke like a PLEBIAN.
Randomize
